Wedding Ring

For millions of years, people showed their devotion for one another with a variety of trinkets. Rough, twisted reeds braided into bands for the fingers and wrists. Strong, colorfully stained papyrus bent into multiple circles and strung together to make chains for the neck and ankles . Only one style of trinket has stood the test of time to show eternal devotion between a man and a woman. With the belief that the vein in the left hand ring finger travels directly to the heart, a simple gold band with a few sparkly diamonds holds eternity in one circular motion.

Everyday the right hand awakes early and travels across a warm expanse to seek out the small round piece of metal that encompasses the tanned left ring finger. Should one remove this simple piece of gold, one would find an empty, white indention within the skin that screams to have its ring put back into place. The simple gold sliver is not very big size-wise, only a sever; however, it is thick in width. There are two simple gold bands connected together, each with special meaning. There is no smell to this ring. There is no taste to it either. And the only sound it will make is, if dropped, a small tinkle sound.

The first little sphere is simply just that, a sphere. Gifted upon the heart finger on July 22, 2005, the little sphere has only departed its roost once. That simple little band will always be the closest to the heart until death do we part. The second small band, which is connected, carries the half carat diamond that quite often captures the eyes of onlookers. With brilliance, the cut of this little heart conquers every ounce of light and sparkles with zest until the darkness engulfs the world nightly. Five little points of gold hold it in place, but do not detract from its beauty in any way. Carefully place on each side, the brilliance is enhanced by four little diamond baguettes that glitter as much as the heart shimmers.

This little gold band encircles not only the finger, but reminds the heart of a special day filled with love and warmth. It is a symbol of dedication between a man and a woman which will last until the final breath of either is drawn. Through all good things, and even the bad that has been handed to this couple within life, this simple little band will direct them down the path towards the right direction.

There are millions of rings that symbolize love to many couples and relationships. Some women have diamonds so large that one can only wonder how these women still walk upright. Others have no diamonds at all, only the simple golden band encircling their finger. And despite these choices, the one that encircles the heart finger connected to this heart will withstand all the trials of time. And someday, this little gold band will be passed on to someone else who will cherish its meaning and dedications until death do they part as well.

So much...

To do, yet I am unsure where exactly to start? I feel as though I am slacking with my family duties. I feel as though I am slacking with my friends. I also feel as though my relationship with my husband is falling through the cracks. And yet I pursue my potential degree. My house is cluttered. My children are fed, clothed and happy...but how much do they miss of thier mother since she is so busy doing school work all the time? Is my sacrifice beneficial to my children now?

And here we go~

Things have changed a lot since my last blog. Sam is coming around slowly and is understanding that he won't be going anywhere else. He is acknowledging that Jim and I are now his parents. And he is learning that it is OK for him to be angry with his mother for what he has been through. All in all, things are slowly working their way upwards.

Chase is working on moving forward with things as well. He really does not want to go to his father's house. But because he is flying back with Grandma Meston, he is willing to go out there to spend time with her. He disapproves of his father's girlfriend, but knows that his father will not listen to him. It is still a sad situation.

Our attorney is Oregon is reviewing some documentation that we sent him. Basically, we have asked my ex spouse to drop his insurance on Chase as it is useless to us. It is also causing conflict with our insurance. So because of all the conflict, Chase has no insurance right now. What do we need to resolve this? A letter from the ex's job stating that his insurance no longer is carrying Chase. And then we can re-enroll Chase with Tricare Prime and he will be fully insured after that. What's causing the conflict? Seriously, the ex does not want to pay the $128.00 fee to the courts. I paid for all the paperwork to be written up and submitted, so it would only be fair for him to pay the court fee, right? Well, the way I am seeing things is that the court fee is going to eventually cost him about $1500 after my attorney is done. But such is his ignorance.

OK, right now I am going to scoot. I think I will work on my homework for Saturday class and then finish retyping my Illustration Essay.

Night all.

BTW..I am taking 4 classes at this time, and I have 4 A's. I'm feeling very proud of myself.

How to move forward?

How do you assist a 15 year old child with learning that his past is just that, his past? How do you teach him that he can no longer just skate through life? That he can no longer run the show and be the boss of the house? How does one teach a child to be a child and learn from his mistakes?

These are all things that Jim and I are really battling right now. REALLY battling! He is failing 5 of his 7 classes right now. He does no homework. He argues with the teachers. He thinks that he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. Am I frustrated? Yes. Very frustrated! Almost ready to scream frustrated.

Jim and I have decided at this point that we are going to retract our offers of assisting him with getting his license and a car. We really feel like we have no choice in the matter right now. He doesn't want to work at things, we will absolutely not supply goodies for him. If there are suggestions as to how to get through to him, please let me know. Because I don't want him to end up a statistic just like the rest of his brother's and sister.

And that is where he is headed. Trust me. They are doing MAP testing right now at the schools. Sam is testing in at 208 and he is proud of that. Today I learned that he is testing in at a 2nd grade level. And that upset me. I was almost in tears. How could Amory let a child down like this? She let down 5 children, but this is by far the worst I have seen of these children. He is in 9th grade and my 3rd grader is smarter than he is. How unfair is that? Seriously?

OK, as for myself I need to get off here and get my homework done. As soon as I get things squared away, I sink again. So tonight I have a ton of stuff to finish for Saturday class. Yes, you read that correctly. I have school Monday through Saturday.

The Farmers Donkey.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into the well. The animal cried piteously for many hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was just too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the poor donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to every one's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. The donkey was not so deep in the well as he had been. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up on the new pile.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would simply shake it off and take a step up a little higher. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you too; all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the "well" is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is like a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping..never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from all hatred.

2. Free your mind from needless worries.

3. Live simply, live happy, live openly.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less.

Life can be..

So crazy, so busy and amazingly still mine. Things move so fast you just never realize what passes until you slow down and say..Wow. I have survived my first week of classes and am moving swiftly into my second week. Finally, I had the opportunity to speak with Mr. Wiley Wright who will be in charge of my education as a Mortuary Science student. He has invited myself to make an appointment to visit with him in Kansas City, KS and see that facilities there. Where I will finish the last 37 credit hours of my degree. I did learn on the phone today that I have 37-40 credits worth of general requirements that I can take as long as I want to finish. But once I am finalized with those credits I will apply to the Mortuary Science program and then I have a year to finish the last 37 credits of my degree.

We had our first family visit with Dr. Weidenger on Sunday and it was great. There will be a lot of work ahead for Samuel, and along that route, we as a family will be right there to support and assist him with whatever he may need. He really is a good kid, and just needs the love and true support he has never honestly had. And he will thrive once he realizes we are not going anywhere and we will not be *kicking him out* just like the others in his life have done before then.

Chase is a little upset with his biological father right now. His father is telling other people that I beat Chase for piddly little things here and there such as peed underwear in the toy box. It's stressful for Chase because he knows it is not true. But there is nothing he and I can do about it. So I am allowing this as the opportunity to teach him how to ignore stupidity. Because that is all it is, jealousy and stupidity. It has been like that since we split up over 5 years ago and I highly doubt it will change for the next 30.

Right now I need to get going so I can work on my reading and math classes.

An absence worthily noted..

Yes, I know. I haven't written much lately but honestly I just can not keep my eyes open after the day is through.

So a small, quick note on the happenings within my household.

Samuel is ours now. We were granted full guardianship via the Leavenworth KS court house. I have spoken with him several times since last Friday and he is more than relieved with this decision. He knows that we won't ship him off to anyone else if we are tired of him. He is home. And that will never change. He is our newest son. And he does call me Mom which makes me feel warm inside now. But I won't lie. It is truly interesting having a teenager in our house now.

Chase is very comfortable with Sam here. He loves it, in fact. He does not miss his father or the issues that come along with the father's girlfriend and her 300 kids. OK, there are only 4 of them but that is too many for a 2 bedroom apartment. He also shared with me that he is tired of her kids because they are bossy and he is always in trouble.

Sebastian had his first child care experience on Monday. And he did better than I did to be honest. I was eager to get home and see if he was OK. Which he was fine without myself. Our FCC provider graduates on Friday so we will be utilizing her starting Monday.

I have officially started classes as of Monday. And I won't lie. Part of me is wondering what the hell I was thinking with going back to college. I have learned that I am older than the majority of students I attend with. But maybe it will be different once I finally get to the main campus. I don't know, but I will work forward and find out for sure.

Right now, it's 9 pm and I am really tired. I have homework to do in the morning and class. I will start writing more tomorrow.