Taking Time...

To stop and smell the flowers. Sometimes we forget to do that, and then the smallest person in the world reminds us too. Our lives get so busy, and seem to just wrap themselves with cobwebs. How do we get out from under those webs? It seems like your always dusting constantly, but you just can't seem to get rid of it? Or as soon as you turn around there is just a light sheen of dust caught in the sun.

Each day, you work hard to clear out the webs of your life. And each day, something new happens that may add to your webs..so the question that occurs more and more often becomes...What do you do to clear out your cobwebs?

Salina and back again...

And off to Salina Kansas we went on Friday after Chase got out of school. What's there? This awesome Animal preserve called Rolling Hills Wildlife Adventure. What is the significance of this place? It's where Chase's Great Grandmother Esther was born. And how cool it was to hear Esther tear up when she heard on the phone that we were all standing there and about to go in. Definately worth the almost 3 hour drive to say the least.
Sebastian was CONSTANTLY on the move and really enjoyed himself as well. He and Chase ran and ran and then ran some more. It was an absolute blast seeing thier reactions to the different animals, and how much fun they were having. I loved every second and this little break reminded me of why I go to school every day. So I can secure our children's futures and make sure we can continue to do trips like this.

And look at his smile. Tell me he didn't look happy to be with his Mommy and Baby Brother! It was a lot of fun, we were all sunburnt to the max, and tired as all get out. But we enjoyed every second with each other.

Will I make it?

There is so much in this world to be ungrateful for. To be tired of. To be rid of. We have a president that can talk his way around and out of anything. We have schools closing because the economy is so crappy. We have Veterans that can't afford college because things are so tight right now.

But there are things to be extremely grateful for around us. We just need to open our eyes and see them. The children playing in thier yards in the sunshine. The sounds of their laughter ringing through the air. A woodpecker in the distance attacking a light pole. Heat in our home, and the ability to have a safe room installed.

Friends who will stand by your side through thick and thin. People who will love you despite all your issues. Your children who see a beacon of love exuding from you. The warmth of thier arms wrapped around your stomach. Their breath on your cheek as they whisper I love you into your ear.

So take the time, notice the important things. And love all that is around you.

Your eyes say it all...

When you look at me, I can see your depth. The way you want me, the need to touch me. I hear it in the voice that you try to keep strong. I see how you keep yourself a distance away to keep from touching me. You won't go anywhere with me because you know. You know that we will touch eventually. You know deep inside we will be there sooner than later, and yet you try to stay distant.

Busy is as busy does...

Ok, so I completely survived the first week of school and all went well. I'm taking 12 credits this term which equals out to 4 classes. And it does not seem like much, but the homework is the part that keeps me the busiest. Last night I was sitting up doing my Accounting homework, but it was not that bad. I also took my first test in Psychology and missed one out of 10. I figure that 90 percent is a good start, right? Today we took a quiz in Accounting..so lets see where that one goes?

Sebastian scared the heck out of me the other day..He went out the front door without my knowing it. I had the Leavenworth Police knocking on my door asking if this was my child. And normally, it wouldn't be my child. But this time, it was. And how did I feel about this? Terrified! ANGRY! Upset..Depressed. It was my son, and I failed to keep an eye on him. What was I doing? Starting dinner, getting Chase to do his homework, switching laundry..Everything but what I should have been doing. How will I tend to this?

Opening my eyes, making things more open to my awareness. But I will figure it out. Just as I know I always do.

Fun in my life...

Recently Jim shared some astounding news that really caught me off guard. He stated very clearly that I have lost my way, and who I am. That with all the deployments and living apart due to the Army, I misplaced my fun side that takes are of me. I knew it had happened, but hearing it hurt worse than my own acknowledgement of the situation.

So what have I done to take steps? I hate feeling forced to go out..but Jim gets along with a couple of the other guys in his unit, and I had met one of the gals previously. So he set it up with the the other hubbies and we had a night out. I also acquainted recently with a young man name Matt who joined the girls as well. What a combination last night at Applebee's!! And top it all off with a great waiter, good alcohol and laughs galore!!

So after having a night out, hubby woke me up this morning because he had to work from 9 to 12 today. Apparently there is something paperworkish that is a pain in everyone's asses. So I have had my coffee, chatted a little with a new friend online, and am going to tackle my Chapter 1 in both Psychology and Accounting. Man, Accounting is going to be a pain in my ass people! That entire 5 inch this book is COMPLETELY in black and white! Not a single bit of color once you pass the book cover. Seriously. So I will get those done this weekend.

I also need to head to Kansas City to pick up a couple of wreaths. I have a few friends that are pregnant, so I am going to make 2 diaper wreaths to mail out on Monday for them. I love doing that, but honestly I should start selling them instead. Maybe I don't sell them because I would lose my enjoyment of making them? I don't know. I just know I have made a lot of beautiful crafty wreaths! I think I should google and see where the local Michaels is...Yay!!

Ok, I'm going to get off here and get things motivated! And thank you for all the love and support from everyone over time. You all mean something special to myself!

I'm back again...

After a long absence, I have decided to start writing again. Sam is no longer with us, as he intentionally started a fire at our house. Why? Because he did not want to be there, and he knows how to manipulate situations to his advantage. Am I upset? Yes. I feel like I completely failed him and myself. Did I? No. I did not. I have come to the thoughts that Sam has failed himself. We brought him into our home, supplied him with an excellent school system, family love and support and everything that he needed including therapy. But there was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for what he gave back.

Assualtive behavior, manipulation and lies. Completely and constantly. And we are not even talking about little while lies! We are talking about EVERYTHING. Did you flush the toilet? Yes, but Chase didn't. Ok...well...who was the last person in the bathroom. Chase was. Well..that would be fantastic IF CHASE WAS NOT STILL IN BED! Seriously!! It's sad to be honest. But as Jim said, Sam will be alone and flipping burgers for the rest of his life at the rate he is going.

Did he pay us back? Yes, and then he turned us into SSI and claimed we took all of his money in return. So we had to pay back the $600.00 to SSI and he is now saying that he won't be paying us what he owes. What is going to happen in return? He is now listed as a potential Arson risk on some program through the Fire Department. Kind of like how they keep track of criminals. Now, the situation at hand is this: Sam has started fires before..Which would have been nice to know BEFORE we took him in. What we have done by putting him on this registry is that if he does start another fire, he will be arrested this time.

How are Chase and Sebastian doing? Fantastic to be honest. They seemt o be thriving with the low amount of stress that is encompassing our home now. Jim and I are fighting less as well. It is very nice indeed! Last term, despite the issues at hand with Sam I was able to pull a 3.40 GPA. Proud is a good word to explain how I felt.

But for now, my computer class is almost over so I should log off of here.