Choices...

Sometimes, as a parent, we have to make the difficult choices whether we like it or not. Sometimes we have to say, enough is enough, and walk forward with our heads high. Things have developed where I must make my children safe, and not worry about who it hurts. Wording can be the biggest problem, but clear communication can be the water that washes the salt out of the wound. It ran across my mind today that I was raised to be someone who can stand the the tests of time as they are thrown at me; however, I am also now the person that isn't liked because I can stand up and be bluntly honest. My life has not been simple. I have hurdled obstables that have both been thrown in my path, and obstacles I have created. Those obstacles may have not been intentional, or strongly on purpose, but I climbed those hurdles and I have stood through trials and tribulations that no one else can claim. I have created the spark that burnt many bridges over time, and I have chopped down and prepared the trees that rebuilt those bridges as well. Some obstacles I have tried to fix, but learned that they were lost causes so I chose a different path to follow. Some obstacles hurt me to change the direction on, but I know I need to make those steps happen because it is not just my path I am taking. There are two boys who are watching my direction, making thought processes from what I show them, what I say to them, what they hear around them. I don't shelter my sons, but I will do what I feel is best to protect them. They know right from wrong, but sometimes mistakes are made..pressure is pushed. We are all given different hands at birth, each situation is different. I would like to think that I am compassionate, but I am not the Mother who will teach my children about drugs by taking them into a drug house and saying "check it out." If I know a person has an active drug problem, I won't be around them, nor will my children. However, I will support someone's recovery and hope they are willing to teach my children from thier mistakes. Life is what you make of it. I heard the saying "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade" but sometimes it takes awhile to get all the ingredients into place. Sometimes, you watch the downfall for so long, that you know better than to put your foot in the water because you could get sucked in as well. I would rather sit from the far sidelines and watch everything unravel, than willingly put my family into the undertow.

Crossroads...

Sometimes, as a person, I just don't know what I want. Now, I know that is no different than any other person in this world but it affects me in a strong way. I love being a stay-at-home, being here when the boys and my husband need me..but I also need to make money and provide for the house financially. I really don't want to do anything fancy, and nothing that will take me away from my family. I prefer to work the hours the boys are in school, but I won't lie when I say that working at the preschool was tough work because my parenting skills were challenged on a daily basis. Maybe if I were to work with older children, that would be better? I am looking into 911 operator positions, but it looks as though it would be 12 on, and 12 off. That would interfere with the boys. So something simple, and mindless if the direction I may end up going. I am the wife of a soldier, and I know that if I go to college to get any type of degree it may be a career compromised. So now, I sit and ponder. I need to finish my degree and be done with that. But what do I do?

The Story...

I recently heard this song..and tears came to my eyes. I have told my loving, wonderful husband many times that I have crossed the heavens and earth to be with him..I love you Jack, and I thank you everyday for coming into my life. You are my heaven, my stars, my love, and my life. Thank you.

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you