YAY! All Done!

I have almost completely whittled away my chore list I made. I finished the rooms up completely today. I have a letter to write to the landlord...Yes, an unhappy letter..and then I will have finished it all. With the exception of getting the pics on this computer burnt onto a disc. But I will get that done soon enough.

So I am posting now the pics of the rooms...I hope you enjoy..I worked my hind end off on them:

This is Sebastians Room. Originally I had just the right wall painted teal and the bottom left painted yellow. I was bored with that. So I painted the upper wall teal as well and used a sponge to press across the teal with a very light yellow.

That is the swirly effect I got. After it dried I was very pleased because to myself it looks like clouds floating on his ceiling. See below!

What a neat effect. And then I got bored again. I worked on Chase's room. Now, the yellow dot in the middle is the sun. I have all the planets hanging the length of his room in order to assist him with a project he did in Mrs. Este's class. Not to mention he just thinks the planets are cool. I had originally just had the blue painted on there. I got bored. *see a recurring theme here?* So I again used a sponge and dabbed the paint on the ceiling. And this is the effect I got out of the deal:

I can hear the questions now..What the heck is with that color scheme? Well, those are two of Chase's three favorite colors right now. Orange, Blue and Brown. Thank you to Sherrie's Mom who made an awesome blanket for him to match his room! Now, if you look at that orange on his wall...does it not look like flames to you? Coming from around the sun? Yeah, I thought it was awesome!

And then I did my room. Did I mention by chance I was bored? Now, while Jim is gone I can get away with this..Hehehe..So it was Grapelicious all the way for me! I am a fan of purple, and this turned out really nice in my opinion...:)

Seriously...The only thing that really bothered me was how bland that purple looked..I had to do something to break it up a little. So today while I was out with the Sister In Law at the Danielson Sidewalk Sales..We went through a store called Heart and Home. Jim and I have been here before and found some fantastic stuff for our house. I scored big time when I found this wonderful little cling picture to put in the middle of the ceiling. So now I am feeling complete..Until I get bored again.

One more small note..The sponges I used to do this oddly enough came from the Dollar Tree. Just the big, brown sponges. There really is no need to go to Home Depot and get the $10.00 sponges when you can get the same effect this way.

Busy Busy Beaver!!

Woohoo! Yes, today sucked ass in its own right...but on the same breath of air it was fantastic!

My day started with a smile from Sebastian, which turned quickly to a frown because he was starving to death..Hehehe So up we got and down we went, and in with the food before he lost all his cute little fat!! He was fine after that.

Went and picked up the sister in law, and headed to the eye Dr.. His technician did all her little tests and then the awful came upon myself. Temporary blindness. Now I understand how it feels to be able to see shapes and outlines, but not words and even signs. I would go insane if I ever ended up not having my eye sight. From the technicians point of view you would have thought I was indeed blind and needed coke bottle glasses. From the Dr's. point of view I could have picked up a pair of glasses from the drug store. And then the wierd.."Do you want a prescription for a pair of glasses?" Are you fricking kidding me? No, thanks. I will go to the local CVS, pick out a crappy pair of glasses and mess up my eyes a ton more. Because that would be the intelligent thing to do?

Then off to lunch with the sister in law. We ended up in Putnam at a little outdoor bistro called 85 Main. Cute, calm, all the waitstaff in black. For those who know me well, this part will crack you up. I am a VERY independant woman. So imagine myself sitting at this cute little outdoor bistro. In sunglasses, which was ok with the outdoor part. Asking my sister in law to please read my the menu as I could not see it. I COULD NOT SEE THE MENU. Yet, I kept trying. I held that menu out much to everyone's humor at a complete arms length to try to see that thing! People around myself must have been looking at me funny because sister in law had a lot of humor to her voice when she was reading to me.

So I ordered this wonderful little salad of field greens with balsamic vinaegrette dressing and a lightly breaded crab cake. It was wonderful and portioned just right for myself. I left the waitress a good tip much to sister in laws pleasure, paid the bill and off we went. One more small thing I tried today as well. Sweet Potatoe French Fries. What a wonderful palate treat!

To the homefront where Sebastian and I napped for quite awhile. My head was splitting at this time. Got up, fed midget green beans today...Wow...he loves his veggies! Yesterday it was Sweet potatoes...and he wolfed them down as well...Up to take his bath..got him dressed and into his bouncy chair to play. While he played, I started the last of my project in his bedroom. I have finished painting one small wall teal and tomorrow when it is dry I will be sponging yellow on it. I will add the pictures to my blog tomorrow when it is completely finished.

Chase's room was a little more challenging. My arms are absolutely killing me right now. In my infinite wisdom I decided to sponge an entire wall orange for him. Yes, that took FREAKING FOREVER, but I got it done. And to be totally honest, I think it looks awesome! Again, picture added tomorrow!

After I finished that, I swept, vacuumed and mopped all the floors in my house. Then promptly dusted all the surfaces around my house as well. And now I am going to take my terribly bruised toe, go soak in the bath tub and pass the hell out from exhaustion!

Damn Aunt Flo!

Aunt Flo decided yesterday she was going to drop in for a few days. I really dislike her. She is mean and makes me change way too many times in a day. But, what are you going to do?

Yesterday was a busy day. My friend Andrea and I found a kitten and worked together to make sure he is healthy and has a good home. Thank You to Andrea for being such a good friend lately. It is nice to have someone to talk to that doesnt poop his pants or need me to feed him. Hehehe. I will get pictures of Carter for everyone to see in the next few days. He is a cute little guy that I am positive Chase is going to fall in love with. I just did not anticipate his 50,000 closest friends joining us in our little abode as well. So I have been spraying and doing laundry since yesterday.

I suppose I should share with you all WHY I had to call the repairman for the washing machine.

Carter came into my life Friday night after I came home from the drive in. I brought Squeaky into the house and ran back outside to get something out of my car...there he was. This little, shivering, kitten with big green eyes..looking at me from underneath my back tire. So I brought him in, fed him..and let him stay in. Now I am fighting with fleas..but slowly winning the battle.

Well, Saturday morning Carter had to pee so bad his little eyes were floating. But I was blissfully ignorant to the whole situation. Until he peed in Sebastians' Moses basket. I didnt think anything about it, just pulled the sides out of it and popped it into the washing machine. Oops. The bottom part does not come out so I wedged it in there sideways. It readjusted itself and caused the washer to get stuck on spin cycle. This caused the motor to stop because it was getting too warm. Hence the repair man. But the washer is all fixed and my laundry is all done.

One more small note before I go to bed...Chase called me yesterday and shared with me that he won 1st place in a Pokemon competition! I am so proud of him. And then he said he couldnt wait to see Sebastian and I.

I miss him.

Go CSI Go!

YAY for me! Today I finished 2 levels of my CSI game. Yes, that means I sat on my butt most of the day. But I deserve it once in awhile. I work really hard around the house and take excellent care of Sebastian. So sitting in my jammies on a Sunday afternoon while it is storming outside is a good thing. Not to mention there was yet another lightning storm. So going out of the house is not an option for me.

Tomorrow will be busy. I need to make a call to Chase's ADHD Dr. I also will be having the washing machine repairman at our house. So it is looking as though my house will be a complete wreck for a few days. I am not looking forward to Wednesday. I will be getting my eyes checked on that day. But the positive thought for the day is that I will be picking up Chase soon. THAT I AM EAGERLY LOOKING FORWARD TO!!

The Dark Knight...

This was a fascinating movie. The special effects were amazing to say the least. Heath Ledger's performance as "The Joker" is by far the best I have ever seen in my lifetime of Batman sequels. It was quite a pleasurable twist for myself though when they introduced "Harvey Two Face" in his true form! It did seem like a very long movie, but I wont lie...I was riveted to my seat. I had to pee sooo bad by the time the movie was over but I dare not miss a single frame!

I went out today as well and bought myself a new Wii game. The Big Brain Academy was interesting, and I will definately admit that I am craving to play it again. But I will not be doing it this evening. I am going to take midget upstairs in a few and enjoy the quiet.

One more small thing, I broke the washing machine today. Bousquets will be here on Monday between 1 to 3 pm to see how badly I killed the poor machine. Do you think it is bad when it won't even turn on? I think I honestly heard the machine groan when it saw me walk in today. So yes, it is official.

When your husband is deployed, everything does go south.

His first laugh!

So Jim called today and I put him through to voicemail. He heard his son laugh for the first time. I could not tell if he was happy or not when I talked to him shortly there after. The line he was on kept cutting in and out. I got a lot accomplished today. I finished the basement by bringing up the last of the stuff from there. All the garbage went to the dumpster, all the donations went to the Salvation Army and a few little things were placed here and there within the house.

Chase's room will be painted most likely tomorrow morning when it is cooler. I changed out all of his hangers today. He graduated to adult size hangers instead of using the kids sized ones. He is such a big boy. He is going to be really excited when I get there and he finds out we are going to get his hair colored! YAY!!!

Today my Mom and I decided we will take my niece ChyIlene with us to California. She does not take up much room, and hardly eats much...LOL I think we can get her in the trunk...*wink*

I will try to blog when I get the chance while I am there, but I wont make any promises while I am in California. We are going to be really busy with traveling and sight seeing! Im really just excited to take my children to the same places my mother took us when we were kids.

Tonight Squeaky and I are going to head to the drive in and see The Dark Knight. Its nice outside, and I would like to see Heath Ledgers last movie. He will be sadly missed as an Entertainer.

FINALLY!

I finally heard from Chase tonight. He told me the number to call in case of an emergency is 911. I am proud of him for remembering that. He told me tonight that he promised he would call if there was ever a problem and they would save him. That made me feel better. A lot better. I did get an email from my attorney and right now we are at a stand still on "saving Chase". There really is nothing that can be done unless Chase tells me his father touched or hurt him. Or anyone else in the family. Apparently in the State of Oregon it is ok to verbally scare the hell out of children. As long as you dont touch them. Tsk, Tsk.

Finally, I got down to the basement and cleaned it up. Yes, hubby will be angry. But the stuff I got rid of was stuff that we would have to replace soon anyway. The sound system and speakers will be replaced when we buy a house and put in a good surround system. I promise that one to him right now. Those speakers were at least 300 years old or something along those lines! Hehe..what I really should have gotten rid of was the 5000 Dungeons and Dragons books that he still freaking totes everywhere even though he doesnt play. Yes, I married a geek. I Love Him.

Finally, I got Sebastian to laugh long enough I recorded him on my voicemail. Several friends have heard him now and love it to death! He just has the most adorable laugh! And yes, I think my midget looks like a troll when he laughs!

Finally, one mans trash is another mans treasure. I have had the wedding dress from Chase's father in a tote downstairs for years now. I decided to put it to good use and I am mailing it to a friend who is getting married. I pray it will fit her, honestly I think it will. And it was much longer than myself so I believe it will be just the right length for her. If not, she will have to shrink a little. Hehehe...not much but enough.

Ok, I am totally sweaty and wiped so I am going to bed after a long, hot shower!

Lightning again?

Today we had a thunder and lightning storm. Most of my friends know I am utterly terrified of lightning. Years and years ago we had a patient brought into the hospital I worked at that had been struck by lightning. After seeing the tremendous damage that had been done, I have always run for serious cover whenever the slightest hint of lightning occurs. It is sad, but it is my fear.

The power went out 3 times in my house because of the wind and what not. That I could handle. I figured out the mystery of why the TV upstairs would not go on. I rebooted the computer. I got everything figured out while it was still storming. And while sitting at the computer I noticed something I had never seen before. I was covered in sweat and I was pale and clammy. Could I seriously be that afraid of lightning? How strange.

The big check was deposited into our account today so now we have a pretty cushy savings account. I also went to the boys bank and deposited money into thier accounts as well. So they are starting to build up good college funds. Jim and I have been working really hard to make sure that money is set aside for them. With the way things are going for the schools and colleges, financial aid may not ever exist again.

I sent off 3 more boxes to my husband today with goodies. I didnt get his hats in the one, so I made another I will ship off tomorrow for him. I also mailed out a box to my mom. Im going tomorrow to find a small gift for my nephew Logan. I bought Chyilene a silver necklace with "fairy dust" in it, so I need to find something for Logan as well.

So tomorrow after I exchange the money in the change bucket for dollars, I will head off to take care of that. I will also be looking for a high chair for Sebastian. His car seat is just starting to get really small for him.

Ok, it is time to get back to Bones.

Oh...one more thing...I made an appointment to see an Eye Dr next Wednesday to get them checked out. I have noticed here lately I am having a tough time seeing even this size of fonts. I will tell you that first of all the Dr.'s name is Dr. Curran *for those who dont know, that is my husband's SSG's name*, and second...The new patient form had me laughing.

Reason for your visit? Because I am going blind and have to squint to see this font.

Anything we can do to make your next visit more enjoyable? Larger Print Please.

3 Year Anniversary!

Today was our 3 year anniversary. For reasons everyone know, we chose to take separate vacations today...LOL



I took Sebastian and we went on a road trip through Rhode Island and into Fall River Massachusetts. What is interesting about Fall River? Well, there is a war ship docked at Battleship Cove that never lost a single man with all the action it has seen. However fascinating that may be, I went there to get a tour of Lizzy Bordens' Bed and Breakfast. If you are not sure who Lizzy Borden is...check out the MySpace link below..Yes, even they have a Myspace. LOL I will say that Sebastian was absolutely calm and quiet through the entire tour with the exception of two rooms. The two rooms the murders occured in. He fussed and fussed. But the second I stepped out of those rooms and into the hallway or the bathroom, he was fine. It creeped the poor kid doing the tour out when I told him babies and cats could sense negative energies. That was when he personally noted that the one black cat that lived in this house alone...Would never go into either of the two rooms Sebastian did not like. Spooky. This is a picture of the house we toured today.



http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=164062242



As well, we stopped at the Swansea Mall in Massachusetts on the way home to kill some time. And that we did indeed. We went through Hot Topic, I got Chase some Harry Potter Figurines. We went through Yankee Candle, I got myself and my Mother some candles. We went through a hat shop and got Jim and one of his soldiers Patriots Caps. We went through Walmart and got the last of what we needed for our trip to Oregon. I even hit Spencers and bought Sebastian a couple of new onesies. One of them had me laughing so hard I had to buy it. I will post pictures of him in it at a little later time. They only had them in a 12 month size. But man, it is worth the wait.



My last stop on the way out of the mall was a place called The Crystal Shard. I was pretty impressed with this store when I noticed that on the top shelves, he had M. Pena Dragons. So for my husband and I's 3 year Anniversary I splurged and bought our first dragon of the collection. We will purchase more down the road. Definately will be especially after he sees the one I bought in person. I am putting a picture on here...but I can guarantee you it looks 199 percent better in person.



So here I post and off I go to bed. Night all!

One quick add on here...The onesie that I bought for Sebastian says this:

BIENG A BABY F*CKING RULES!!

* I poop my pants & someones else cleans it up.

*Nobody calls me lazy when I sleep all day.

* tits are on the menu for breakfast, lunch & dinner!

* I'm congratulated for burping.

* I piss on people I don't like & play it off like an accident.

One very long day...

No calls from Chase today. A few testing text messages from the ex. Lexi ended our friendship because she states it is too much drama caused by her. He has her all mixed up, thinking all of this is her fault.

My brother in law had to put his Pit down today. She got sick and it progressed over the week. Apparently she had multi organ failure laced with a blood sugar over 1000 that they could not seem to bring down. Good bye Cricket, you were a damn good dog!

Im tired, stressed out, and going to bed. Tomorrow is my 3 year anniversary and Im taking Sebastian on a road trip.

Police or lack there of?

Today really sucked ass. It was hot, sticky and miserable here. And then to top it off, my ex spouse has that psychotic woman around Chase again. They are a couple. He says there is nothing at all I can do to stop them from having a relationship, or to stop her from being around Chase. He states Chase is just fine when she is around and he doesnt have nightmares or anything when she is there. He is not seeing things the way I do. Chase knows he is safe with me. He does not say anything to his father because it all falls on deaf ears.

So today, I called the Albany Police. And the State Police, and the Linn County Sheriff's office. One of them will do the occasional drive by to see if things look ok, but they will not do a Welfare Check unless Chase himself calls. And we all know Chase wont do that. Because Chase is scared to death of that woman, and on top of it he knows that woman is more important to Daddy than he is. How sad.

So a letter to the attorney has been written, the payments will resume to them and I will cease visitation as soon as I hit the State of Oregon. If he will not listen, I will force him too. I can not and will not have everyone take notice once my child is hurt or dead for that matter.

I have come to the conclusion that Albany Police are useless as a melted ice cream cone on a 110 degree day.

Pandemonia!

Yesterday I was just too wiped out to write on my blog when I came home. I dropped Squeaky off at Tori's house about 530 and headed with my friend Andrea out to Foxwoods Casino shortly there after. We had gotten tickets to go to a Cirque De Soliel show called Pandemonia~

Wow, that is all I could say. Both he and I sat and were just mesmerized with the amazing acts of balance and strength! Fascinating! The show was about a little over an hour...and when it was finished we walked around a little bit. But I then left to go pick up midget. As much as I needed a little night out, I needed to be with my son more. I got the opportunity to talk to Chase last night as well. That was really nice.

He is hitting that stage right now where my ex spouse is making him feel guilty for wanting to come home. And making it out like I will never let the ex spouse see him again. We both know it is not true, but this is the typical game he plays with our son. Every visit I deal with this. It takes a couple of weeks, but we get it out of his system and back into a normal routine. I have decided that when he gets home we are going to go to Lake Compounce and over to Foxwoods for a day out! They have a great kids arcade and lots of cool restaraunts in there as well!

I honestly just want my son home. So that both my boys can be here. And then I want my husband home as well. So I can have all my boys here. Because I truly miss having my family~together.

Busy Busy...

So today was dedicated to a very grouchy baby and getting some chores done around the house. Things along the lines of my deciding to finish painting the rooms. Im putting purple in mine, yellow in Sebastians, and Orange in Chase's. I just have not decided what walls to paint. And then I was informed it is too muggy to paint, apparently it wont set correctly in this weather.

Jim and I decided it would be best if I didnt make that long drive without someone else to go with us. So I let Sherrie know, and sent off a birthday box for Alison. Also included some little outfits for Eleanora as well. Those girls are like my girls, I just didnt give birth to them. Thank goodness because 2 boys is enough. Hehehe....If I need a girl fix I just call Sherrie and we can trade. To bad we are not closer though.

I got an email from Jessica. Her and the family are really enjoying Hawaii. It's not as expensive as everyone is making it out to be. I must have been looking at a bad website with the rent and all. Im glad they are settled and comfy finally.

And last but not least, the ex. He texted me today asking me if I could ask my Mom to watch Chase this weekend. I didnt tell him I already had, and that she was just waiting for a call. I did tell him he needed to stop being afraid of my Mom and just call. His excuse is that he has been unpacking. I told him it takes 5 minutes to call and that I am not his secretary. He did not like that one bit.

Ok, Im going to go eat my soup and head to bed. The heat is killing me.

One small death for the community...

Today, while being beautiful and sunny outside...was sad in its own right. Just to make sure everyone knows, it was not a person lost. But a special little one all of its own world.

We have an elderly gentleman downstairs who has this little grey cat. This cat resembles Church from the Stephen King movie Pet Cemetary. Extra thumbs on both front feet to top it all off. Very affectionate cat that I honestly adored. Except for it crapping along my wall to the 7 year olds amusement. "Mom, we have a problem.." Words any mother's blood will freeze too.

Well, Pete has been in a nursing home for the last several weeks so the entire neighborhood has been caring for Church in his absence. Each of the 3 homes make sure there is food outside, and each of us has gotten attached to this annoyingly loveable cat. Especially the gentleman across the street. He is about my husbands age, married, kids..the whole nine yards. So you can imagine how devastated he is.

He was leaving last night and apparently as he was backing out he ran over the cat. But I applaud him completely for the fact that he stood up and did the right thing. Most people would have left the cat for dead. This gentleman not only took the cat to the Vets office, but he as well was going to pay to have it fixed. The vet quoted him almost $3000 but he was going to pay to have the cat fixed. And then the bad news. Church's liver and spleen were lacerated, so he was not going to make it no matter how much they worked on him.

So this neighbor paid to have Church put to sleep. He paid out of his own pocket for his mistake. Instead of making Church suffer. And what earned my respect is that this man cried while he told me.

Month 4...

So yesterday Sebastian had his 4 month well check. Can we say that Dr. Terry is pleased? Nope, not at all. We can not even begin to touch the tip of the iceberg with how tickled he is about how well Sebastian is doing. So far, at 4 months old, he is acting at a 5 month level according to Dr. Terry.

Did I also happen to mention that at 4 months, Sebastian is weighing in at a tiny 16 lbs, 8 ozs now? Yeah...and on top of that he is 27 inches long. It amazes me how quickly they grow. He was just this little thing not even 4 months ago and now he is rolling over and active! OMG...active is not even a good enough word for it.

I started Sebastian on rice cereal the other day and he did fantastic. Definately not allergic to food. Yeah, his size is showing that one...LOL He sure loves the heck out of his bath time too...Hehehe I fill the bottom of the bath with water and bubbles...the lie him in it. He will eventually be a swimmer...that is for sure. He gets those arms and legs going...and the faces he makes just kills me with laughter!! He reminds me so much of his older brother. I sure miss Chase.

On a better note..I get to see Chase in less than three weeks! YAY!!! And we are planning our kick ass get away to Cali as well! When we get back I have a trip planned to Boston so we can go to the Museum of Natural Science and the Boston Aquarium as well!! YAY!!!

I cant wait to get my boys all back together. Jim is doing as well as can be expected in Iraq. He calls when he cans, and we talk on AKO when possible. Sometimes it is really difficult because I have my hands full with Sebastian. I am truly worried about when Chase gets home, I think our talks will be reduced to emails because I will get busy again. Ugh. But we shall see.

We will be celebrating our 3 year Anniversary on the 22nd. I sent him out a box of goodies already. He has received it, and is waiting until it is time to open it. I cant wait until we can actually celebrate our Anniversary together finally. LOL. Wont that be nice.
Chase is well, he is beyond ready to come home. The ex spouse gave him his old cell phone which has worked out well for myself. When the ex spouse is not looking, Chase is calling me to tell me why he is so miserable and when can he come home to his brother and Mommy...:) I love that boy!

And as for myself, the tattoo's have finally healed. I will be going in sometime in the next few weeks to have it looked at and add birth dates to it as well. My poor Mother can not figure out who is what...Hehehe

Ok...back to the movie and then bedtime...Hugs!

Still tapping my foot...

Jim has been somewhere over there in Iraq...I want to say it sounded like Tikrit...but the phone connection was lousy...So I have not heard anything from him as of yet. I am still waiting to talk to him about taking a road trip to Sherries house in Ft Benning, GA. If I make this trip...that will be both coasts I have officially driven. And it will knock me down to 15 states I have left to travel! How cool is that? 15 more states and I will have traveled to all the states in the Continental US!!

Sebastian started permanently on cereal today with his formula...Can we say Messy? Yes indeed! I had to shower as well...lol...It was all over the place. So I decided it was bath time afterwards and he was soooo excited! I had to mop up with a towel...LOL

Ok, Squeaky has his 4 month old shots in the morning so I am going to scoot!

YAY!

Today I will be heading to a friends house for a welcome back BBQ...Im excited about that. Just a few things to update on...Sebastian has suddenly lost his interest in rolling over...LOL...But I am pleased to announce he waves his arms up and down in front of himself and looks like a mini go-go dancer! And the smile on his face he while he is doing it just cracks me up terribly!! Ive permanently started him on cereal...He is going through about 32 ounces of formula a day, which to me seems extreme. Especially when Im changing his pants every 10 minutes. LOL. I prepared 2 more boxes for Jim yesterday, and will be heading to super Walmart to grab some more stuff for him.

For the people who do read this, he needs the tuna fish in packets, top ramen *any flavor but shrimp*, and the freezer pops. Lots of freezer pops. Tons of Freezer Pops, as he puts it. I have had the pleasure of two phone calls from him today and he was telling me it is about 112 degrees in the shade. And there is a light breeze...so it is just like someone has a hair dryer on high pointing at him. Yuck. That would drive me nuts. Ok...No it would not. It would be much better to me than this weather here where my clothes are sticking to myself.

My tattoo's are healing really nicely. Im going to wash them today for the first time to see if I can get the excess dead skin off, and then rub them down with a nice, thick cocoa butter lotion. Pics will be taken at the BBQ as most of the people there have not seen tats like mine before. In fact, I get stopped a ton by people asking if those are really hands and feet? I even had one lady ask me if it was a tribal? Yep..I replied...The tribe I gave birth too...LOL

Ok, I must scoot and get into the shower!!

Irritated!

Ok, let me ask you something? If you were told by your ex spouse that someone you were dating scared the living piss out of your child...would you just ignore them? Would you just leave it alone and let your child be scared to death of sleeping at night? Would you allow them to be insecure in knowing whether or not they would have a parent at all because they thought that person was going to kill that parent?

Well, apparently it is ok to do all this according to my ex spouse. So now I get to tend to the issues and figure out how to get my son out of this situation. Because apparently my son is not important enough for him to realize that this stuff is truly happening, and that I am not just making it all up.

Babies are soooo cute!

So today I went and got my hair done. It is much lighter than it was before and I really do like it. Almost a strawberry blonde...Hehehe...Not Ronald McDonald red like in Germany. Wow...those women like thier red hair...LOL This turned out very nicely...not to mention I had a ton of compliments on my new tattoos...And did I mention I did not hold my son the entire two hours I was there? Yeah...all the hairdressers and customers...My little rag doll.

I talked to Chase a little last night and noticed something in his voice. Like he wanted to tell me something but he couldnt. I asked him to go into another room to talk to me and he said his cousins would follow him. I find it truly sad that my son's cousins actually spy on him for his Dad. It's just too bad a child needs to deal with this. Not just my son, but any child at all.

I also wanted everyone to know we did get the stimulus check...so yes, it is real!! I sent it off to the bank to be deposited into savings for the summer trip! YAY!!! If I havent mentioned it, my Mom and I are taking the boys to California. To meet Grandma and Shiela...and visit a few ruins from my childhood. Hehehe...The only sad thing is that I wont get to see the giant sign that says T&R truckstop. Now it says...Adult Shop. LOL

Ok...Squeaky is calling...I shall return.

Misuse of the word love.

I never understood how people could use the word Love so loosely. After 2 weeks, she "loves" him so much she could not survive without him? Seriously now. Two weeks ago you did not even know he existed. And now you thread your delicate life around his every being? There are several ways to look at it...each way works for each person who is doing the gandering. Me personally...This is my take on it.

Love is something special. It is something that makes your heart skip a beat when he looks at you a certain way. It is when he says something that no one else thinks is particularly funny, but milk squirts out your nose. Is it the ability to look into his eyes and know that no matter what, he will always be there.

Love does make you cry. But for these reasons. The pain you feel when he is about to leave for a very long time. The joy you feel when you see the look on his face as he holds his newborn child for the first time. Knowing that if anything ever happened, he would take care of everything for you. Experiencing the love in his eyes when he sees you walk down the aisle for the first time. You should only ever cry for those reasons.

You should never cry, nor forgive when he cheats on you. When he deliberately lies to you to cover something up. When he makes you out to be the person in the wrong, and then tells you that your crazy. When you finally realize it was never your fault after all was said and done. That he was the one in the wrong the entire time.

Stop and think of the precious moments you lose when the word love is uttered without true meaning.

More nightmares...

So I was wide awake last night at 0100...had another one of my nightmares. Not to mention I was sweating to death. I talked with my husband online for a little while and then forced myself to sleep. Needless to say I was tired as all get out today. Sebastian was cranky as well. He can sense Mommy is unhappy. And that makes him unhappy too...*insert sad face here*. He also did not take his normal nap today so he was passed out by 6 pm.

I didnt do much today. I watched some movies...I am Legend, Saw 4, Number 23 and now I am heading upstairs to watch The Bucket List. I havent had much energy to do anything else. I did put together Sebastians' Bouncy seat. Without directions I might add...Im so proud of myself due to the fact that it did not fold in on Squeaky when I put him in it.

I was just going to say something else, but I forgot what it was. I know this, I am exhausted so it will be an early night for me.

4th of July.

And I am missing my husband more than ever. I am so ready to get out of this place. Full of wierdo's who stare and people who pace the streets. Its not easy living without your husband. Feeling unsafe when you know he wont be home. And especially having children who look up to you and expect you to be strong. I miss my husband. I miss the security of having him around me again.

Sounds like the fireworks have stopped finally so I am going to go try and get some sleep. I will write more tomorrow.

Oh the Itchiness~

Yes, today it is healing and itches like ever loving hell! But it looks soooo good! I went to Wal-mart and people kept stopping me...Is that really his hands and feet? Nope...It's his older brothers feet and his hands...:) Its turning the gray peely color...so I have been drowning it in triple antibiotic ointment...People notice the wet shiny look right away.

Today was very mellow. Mailed off all the boxes I prepared. Got some pictures printed out...It was nice. Calm. Quiet.

Wont be tomorrow with the 4th. Pleh...stupid people and fireworks.

Immortality on a Mother's Soul

And there it is. My absolutely wonderful boys immortalized forever on my body. Chase has the left side because he is the first born. His actual footprints. I can not believe he used to be that small, and looking at those prints..I miss him being that small. Sebastian, my second and last boy...Is on the right. His little handprints will forever pat me on the back. Encouraging my every step forward. I love my sons more than my own life. I never knew I would ever love so deeply and dearly ever. Thank you God.

It took a little over 2 hours to finish the tattoos, and my artist Brian...He is a good man! He works for Sacred Ink Tattooing in Danielson CT. Very detail oriented..Great personality as well! You should really see him for your next tattoo if you are in the area. I also noted I have now had 4 different artists showing thier work on my body. Impressive, huh?

So on a lighter note...Jim asked me what I did today. I told him nothing. I said I: glued the carpets to the stairs so Chase wont fall on his butt anymore. I did 3 loads of laundry and put them away. I hung 5 shelves. I cleaned all the floors. I assisted the electrician with replacing some plugs upstairs. I laughed my ass off when he fell on his...I told him to be careful because the glue was still setting on the carpet squares. I organized the basement and cleaned it up. I took stuff to Salvation Army and even dropped off some bags at the consignment store. Oh, did I mention I swept both the front and back porch off as well? Nah, Im a housewife that doesnt do a thing.

But now, Im going to go shower and sleep.

Tomorrow is the big day...

Well, Tomorrow will be the big day that I have been counting down to for quite sometime now. I am heading into Sacred Ink tattooing to get the boys imprinted on my skin for life. Chase's feet, Sebastians hands. They will be there forever. Not just in my heart, but on my skin as well. Weirdly, I am nervous.

I have to call the landlady tomorrow and she is not going to be happy at all. I plugged in a little night light in Sebastians room and it shorted out the entire upstairs. I had a friend over looking at Jims computer (going to have that completely rebuilt for him), and he said there is a short in the wiring somewhere. I unplugged the stupid night light and everything started to work again. Apparently I have a fire hazard up there. Absolutely freaking wonderful. Ants, Fire Hazards, Heating issues. I cant even run two AC units on the first floor without having to take a trip downstairs to the fuse box.

I can not wait to get out of here.

So one of my serious pet peeves was triggered today putting me into a foul mood for the majority of the day. People do not need to worry about my marriage. Dont end a friendship with me because you think you are going to cause a complication in my marriage. For goodness sakes, I dont think that highly of you. I Love my Husband, I am completely dead honest with him whether he likes it or not, and if you put me in a position where I feel my marriage is going to be challenged...You will be shown the door. I give one chance only to rectify your stupidity. And if you make that mistake a second time, I will not look back. I do not like arrogance, especially within a new person entering my life.

I have always made friends with men easier than with women. I love my female friends, but they tend to be way too competitive and catty. I dont need that crap in my life. So I hover towards men because they speak thier minds, dont hesitate to stand up and be who they really are. There is nothing for them to hide behind. Honesty is the best policy and I appreciate it. Those friends I have were there through thick and thin. And they still are. I may not talk to them everyday...but when I do it is like we never left off anywhere.

I Love You guys.

And to my best friend, my Husband...I Love You the Most.