Sunday, November 30, 2008

Holiday Birthdays...

The look of fear on Squeaky's face was from the elephants surrounding us. No, we did not make it on the Safari I was hoping for. But we did make it to Rainforest Cafe in East Hartford, CT for dinner the night before my birthday. Which also happened to be Thanksgiving. A special Thank You to Matt for making sure the boys and I got out of the house for just an evening. It was a lot of fun. I am planning a trip to the one in Boston for Chase's birthday as well. This would be 4 Rainforest Cafe's I have been to thus far. Tukwila, WA, Dallas, TX, San Francisco, CA and now the one here in CT. Each one a different experience with excellent service! YUMMY!!! If you have not been, I highly recommend it especially for families with children!

That wondrous piece of chocolate right there is called *The Volcano*! They yell throughout the entire place until they get to your a few times a night during your dinner experience you will hear *VVVVVVVVVVOOOOOOLLLLLCCCCAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNOOOOOOO* Sometimes I wonder if they ever run out of breath? Or do they stand in front of the mirror and say this for as long as they can? I've heard practice makes perfect.

This is Chase at Grandma Fitzgerald's on Thanksgiving Day. He is eating a piece of cake that Aunty Heather brought for Mommy. He did wonderful today, he was pretty calm and collected and OMG I swear all he did was eat all day long! Non stop!!

This is a view from my seat of the cake that I had for my actual birthday. It was really sweet, and almost killed me, but I ate it!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Role Models

I never stopped until today to really look at what kind of a role model I am to my children. And then it hit me square in the face when I was reading several of my friends blogs about how drunk they were, how many birthday's they celebrated, how broke they are, how their lives completely sucked ass. And I realized, these are people that my oldest son looks up to.

I have always been extremely cautious about who I have let around my oldest son. He has had a really rough road regarding the male role models in his life. When his father and I split up, I really tried hard to make sure he had that bond with him. But his father has, and continues to fail to be a very positive role model to his son. He calls when it is convenient, he calls when he does not have a girlfriend or someone he is trying to impress, or when he knows I would be unable to answer the phone because our son is in class or school. So he calls about every 8 to 10 weeks. And I hate it, but I can not do anything about it.

I had a few gentlemen I dated after he and I split. One never met my son, the other one did and hurt his feelings really badly. So I became extremely guarded against allowing people around him after that. And then I met Jim. Jim is an excellent Role Model with the exception of being deployed. He calls weekly and talks to him. He sends emails, cards..reminds him that he is loved. And my son knows this.

But there are the outside role models. I chose to enter my son into Karate because of all the fantastic advantages that would be available to him. And he did terrific in the beginning. But he is noticing there are certain students that are favorites. He knows which instructors he can turn to for extra help. But he notices attitudes the most. And I as his Mother can see what he is seeing. But I see it in a different light.

I see the blogs, I see the comments. I see the wish for change, but not the actions. I see the constant boredom, but not the positive use of the spare time. I see the reaching out for attention, but the negative actions that happen instead.
You want that change, you need to make it. But you can not make it halfway. You need to step up and make it all the way. I am in no way perfect, but I have been where you are now. And I have worked hard to be out of that rut myself. And I work hard everyday to stay out of it, because I need to be a strong role model for my children. And you should be a strong role model yourself, because other people's children look up to you constantly. Young ones, teen ones, even adults look to you for guidance.

Look around at the people who look up to you. And know there are parents who see you as well. But parent's are more critical than the children. You can do no wrong in their eyes, but we see the cracks and flaws. We see the inconsistencies. We see the continuous drunken nights at the bar and the complaints of the hangovers. But no work? And the arguments of boredom?

Take those children who are around you and mold them. Guide them. Take all this free time you have and bring those troubled students up from where they are. Lead them out of the goodness of your heart and the compelling want to see them succeed. Motivate them to move up higher in the world and the ranks.

Give them a strong and impressive role model so they can be role models themselves.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Mom...look what I found!

There was a rather entertaining look on Squeaky's face today when he reached down and found a play toy. He also figured out really fast that you can not pull on that same play toy. That it actually hurts when you do yank. So much to my amusement, I just allowed him to check out his goods. I guess the most humorous part was the fact that he has a big baby belly that blocks his view of below, so it was like watching a blind man reading braille..just learning as you go.

I had this huge blog planned out today, but I have some thinking as to how to word things. I have stuff running through my head that I need to deal with, but it is better for me to think it out than to just start writing.

For right now, I think an early bedtime for all is a grand idea.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Mom..It looks easy!

See this mischievous smile on the midget? Yes, that would be from his mother's side. Chasers decided he was going to help me get Squeaky ready for a bath tonight. I will tell you what! They had me laughing so hard by the time they were done I needed a hot shower myself. To relax the tummy muscles from laughing so darn hard!
It took him forever to finally get Squeaky undressed. But Mom, you make it look soooo easy is the main sentence I heard. Amongst, Stop Wiggling! Sit Still! Mom, how do I get this off?
That look right there..That one on Squeaky's face? That's the one I claim. I swear to you, this little feat of trying to undress and dress the baby had me laughing to death! After about 30 flip overs and kicks, Chasers did manage to get him dressed after his bath.

WHEW! I'm ready for bed now Mom! So now off we go to bed! Night all.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

School Pictures

Now seriously, how cute is he? These are his toothless school pictures that I received yesterday. He said to me that he looks *dorky*, but I assured him he did not. Squeaky's been pretty grouchy the last few nights as he has two top teeth coming in as well. I have been less than enthusiastic about my pending birthday. And speaking of son graciously announced to the Karate School this evening that my birthday is on Thanksgiving. And what do I hear from Jerry? "Get her out here and the black belts can give her a birthday wish!" Yeah..not going to happen in my lifetime.
All the invitations are out for Chase's party. And thus far we have had two RSVP's. So out of 20 children, or 13 invitations, we have had 5 children with a definite * I will be there* going on! So now I work on Pizza and Cake. Oh, I better start looking at cakes! Do I get a medium sized one and hope people eat the heck outta it? And should I make goody bags? I'm thinking the golf will be plenty. Also, there are small gifts included with the party I am paying for. Hmmmm...So much to think about here. I'm just looking forward to putting Squeaky in his walker and setting him loose. Think people will golf around him? *chuckle*
OK, it is Grey's Anatomy night so I'm heading upstairs..*Toodles*

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Right around the corner..

Christmas is here almost already. I'm working hard to get past my birthday. Which is Thanksgiving day. Thanks Mom. Today I did my *bad Mommy* class and I'm ready for it to be over. I am learning a lot, and how to deal with things that my son throws at me. Some days he is really good. Other days he is a PITA! But I am coping, and my husband will be home soon.

I started working on the invitations for Chase's party. He and I both are looking forward to this event. As well my heading out for my birthday. That's a week from tomorrow. And lord knows, I need a night out to let loose. I think I deserve it.

Tonight will be bed, early. All of us are tired, all of us are grouchy. Even midget.

Monday, November 17, 2008

We are soooo close...

To the end of this deployment. Jim will finally be in Germany Januaryish. At least he will be on safe ground finally. Then his re-integration at my request. He has had issues with PTSD in the past, so I won't let him waive to come home right away. I want to make sure he has his wits about him. And that he better knows how to cope with things. He said he did last time, but that is why we ended up in counseling. To help him understand what he had been through and how to better deal with it. He has come a long way, and I'm proud of him.

We still have no clue where we are going. Such is the life in the Army though. Probably going to end up in Finland or something messed up like that..*giggle*

I picked up the invitations today for Chase's birthday party. Cute little monkey ones. Now I have to get them all written out and I'm debating on whether I should put a note in there. Obviously I should post directions, but what about siblings and parents? Parents get to golf for free, and I would hope that they don't just drop them off and leave. And I am including siblings in the invitation. I just need a head count for pizza and cake is all. So some thinking needs to go into the enclosure listing. Here I go thinking again, and right before bed none the less.

The boys are doing well. I'm trying to figure out why Squeaky keeps waking up in the middle of the night. He can't be hungry because he eats right before bed. The only thing I can think of is the cat keeps waking him. I should close the baby's door at night to his room, but I hate closed doors in my house. I just feel unsafe, not to mention I am afraid I won't hear him if he cries in the night. I sleep so soundly sometimes that it bothers me. I can't wait until Jim gets home. He sleeps all kinds of weird hours so I know he will take some of the burden off myself.

Speaking of burden..I'm going to bed. The day just snuck up on me.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Oh Mom!

That's what I have heard soooooo many times in the last few days. Chase's fundraiser stuff came in the other day, and so to teach him how far politeness goes I have him doing a chore. I have him writing each person a thank you note for purchasing candles. And he is hating it. It's only 14 people but it's a TON MOM!! So about 3 cards a night until they are done. He's a trooper!

The last few days have gone by uneventful. Thanks to Sean who so bravely chewed that jerk out. I have heard nothing from him, and it's nice.

I recorded Squeaky some more walking in his little walker. He's getting pretty adept at it. Right now he wants his Mommy's attention though. So I am off to torture my sons a little more!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I am fat.

And I admit it. But I am beautiful. I don't need a man that I dumped over 15 years ago to point out that I am obese. I don't need him to tell me that I need to go on a diet and surprise my husband with a major weight loss. I definitely don't need him to tell me that my husband is unhappy with how I look.

Because I looked this way when he met me. And I looked this way when I got pregnant. And I look this way after I had our beautiful son. Because I am beautiful.

I'm not thin. I like my food. But I have a strong backbone, a gorgeous smile, a husband that loves me for WHO I am, not how I look. I have a home. Two attractive, well adjusted children. I have a life. I have a future.

Yes, I could stand to lose about 20 pounds. But why? So I can make other's around me more comfortable looking at me? Nah. Because I am fine just the way I am. And if someone chooses not to talk to me because I am *too fat* for them..Well, it's their loss..Not Mine.

And who said this to me?

A man that I dated 15 years ago. Who I moved clear to California with. Who, when I went to visit family, cheated on me. And when he was caught, chose to throw me out with my stuff into the street. Leaving me to move into a school friend's parent's house. Where I stayed for a week until he decided to bring me back to my parents home in Oregon. And disappeared.

And let's go on..Who found me on about 5 years ago. And we made amends, restored our friendship after apologies were made. A friendship from a distance so no boundaries were crossed. Who decided to visit my children and I while I was in Oregon over the summer. Who spent time with my children, Mother and myself for a day and then left.

Oh, and there's more. Who decided to text me a week later and tell me how disappointed he was that he traveled that far to visit and did not even get laid. Well, you did not get laid because I am married. And I am not you. I don't cheat. I don't lie. I don't use people. I am not manipulative. I avoid people like you. And had I known that you would be like this, damn skippy your ass would have stayed as an ignored email.

So now, several months later your going to text harass me because I told you to go away? Well, text away. Because you will be ignored. Oh, and feel free to email my husband as you threatened to tell him we supposedly slept together. Because he knows me much better than that. He knows that I wouldn't put my children through that. He knows he can ask my Mother about it.

And if you can get all those petite, gorgeous women..Please..Go waste their time.

I'm busy cleaning out my closet.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Fast forward already?

Three days have passed since I last wrote. And it's been a whirlwind of activity. So much that I literally fall asleep as soon as I hit the bed.

Squeaky has been waking up in the early mornings lately. I'm unsure why, but have been feeding him cereal before bed to see if this will alleviate the problem. I have noticed that we are down to just a few bottles a day now. He is having rice cereal with juice about 2 to 3 times a day, with a vegetable or fruit as well. I'm also working on dry toast, crackers and cheerios. He's doing pretty well already. Loves to play with the spoon and bowl when we are done, but I don't do that too much since his high chair is in the living room *as is our kitchen table due to space constrictions* and on the carpet. But we will keep going.

He has also figured out forward in his little walker. He stands, looks a tad bit like a drunken sailor..but is moving himself along well. As well as a drunken sailor anyway. Yesterday it was rather humorous. He got himself wedged in the hallway while trying to turn around. It looked like a scene out of the Austin Powers movie with the golf cart. Chasers was giggling so hard I thought he was going to pop!

Chase's parent/teacher meeting was combined with a 504 plan meeting on Monday. It went really well. As you all know he has not been on medication until recently. Well, I am pleased to report his teacher was sad to give me the progress report she has for me. She made it very clear this report was made PREVIOUS to his being on medication and that he is doing a LOT better in class now. We just need to get the writing prompts working out better. She has given me ideas on how to jump start him at home. So we will be working on getting things from his head onto his paper now.

Veteran's Day was bittersweet without my husband there. But to distract myself from that point in fact, I had my friend's son with us for the day while she worked. So off we all trotted to a place called Monster Golf over in Webster Mass. I added a couple of pictures above for your entertainment purposes. This entire place is done in glow in the dark paint, and frankly, it's pretty damn cool. Squeaky was a little unsure, but fascinated at the same time. Even the balls were glow in the dark pink, orange and green. I thought it was pretty fun. Chase wants his birthday party there also. So arrangements are in the works right now. We shall see.

And speaking of birthday presents, Jim sent me a couple of gifts. He instructed me to open one of the boxes, so I had Chasers pick one for me. Well, as it turns out..I received a large bottle of Eternity Moment perfume. And I really, truly wanted that. And I love it. Now I am waiting and wondering what is in the other box. But my birthday is only a few weeks away so I can just sit and wonder.

Right now I notice that it is 8 pm my time, so I'm going to scoot and get Chasers tucked into bed. I'm sure he's pretty tired as he has been on the go all day.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


Today was not my best day at all.

It started with an argument on the computer with my husband leading into the oldest kicking a pillow that hit the youngest in the face. Now the pillow is not what hurt him, it was his hitting the floor face first that did it. And of course, he won't have any problems cutting the top teeth in. No major swelling and the crying went away with some Orajel. But he did chew pretty funny for a little while.

Then, I started cleaning the house which is my usual Sunday ritual. Did not matter. I swear Chasers followed me around and made messes all the way behind me. I gave up. I actually gave up on cleaning my house. I am going to end up getting a carpet cleaner before this stupid deployment is over.

Hubby called me a little later in the day and we had a good talk. Ended the conversation well, only to check my email and be barraged with questions about who is who on my page? I added a few new people onto MySpace, he has added a ton of them for his gaming..Who is he to question my choices? I think it is pretty even right now. We shall see how this pans out.

Get that dealt with and made it through the day. Got the boys both fed, bathed and into bed fairly well. Worked a little on some cleaning and said forget it. So here I am sitting in front of the computer.

Now, I recently reconnected with a friend from my middle school years. He has turned into a wonderful father, is now divorced and has made something serious of a future for himself. We were never very close in school, mostly acquaintances. But we always managed to keep a friendship over the years.

I am thrilled to be talking to him again and can see we have both grown over the years. But as with the time that has passed, we really know nothing about each other's past 15 or so years. So how can he know if he said something that triggered my anger response?

How can he possibly know of the years of therapy I have sought out to deal with my ex spouse's idiocy? How can he know that younger, more attractive women are a trigger of anger because of all the hateful things that my ex has said? He can't know. Unless I explain it to him. And the comment he made was I'm positive a joke, but for whatever reason I took it the wrong way.

And as hard as I try to make sure my ex spouse does not affect my life as he used to, sometimes I guess he is just sneakier than I honestly thought.

I'm sorry.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


I am slowly adjusting to the thought of the new President Elect. Like everything in my life I will try it. And if I enjoy it, cool. If not, I will be joining my friends in Canada. Yes, I said Canada. I have even heard Mexico. I better learn to home school if that be the case. Again, no matter what I say or will happen. And it will happen fast.

The boys are killing me with laughter! Squeaky has taught himself to sit up in his swing now. Then he rocks back and forth getting the metal to clink on each side. And to go faster! It's funny, but I will say maybe it is time to get rid of the swing.

Chase is such a good big brother! He's so very attentive to midget, but he has his moments. Today he thought it would be cute to let go of Squeaky while he was standing. So Squeaky stood alone for two seconds and then...SPLAT! Right onto his poor little face. But he's OK, and Chase is OK *after a short bout of crying from being upset*. And they will move on.

I'm off here to go tend to the boys. Nap time is a blessed time for my

Thursday, November 6, 2008

How do I feel?

Well, how do I feel about the new President Elect? I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm unsettled. I am unsure of the next four years.

I did my research and I am still not positive this is who should be running the country. I am scared for my Husband's career and where that will possibly end up. He is not a big supporter of the Military. And that means millions of other families including my own may suffer from anything this man puts out there or on paper.

His politics on taxes has me nervous. The only thing I foresee as positive is that I will be going to college for about three years after my husband gets home from Iraq. So once I graduate and start working I plan to go into either ER, Correctional or Travel Nursing and all three of those lead to the direction of approximately $72,000 a year. Easily. And with the field my husband plans to go into after he gets out of the Army, we can add about another $50,000 to that. And *poof* There is that magical tax bracket! I have heard some people say that he is only looking at big industry to tax. I have heard others say $250,000 and higher. But what I have read on and various other places is those who work will pay. And pay dearly. And that scares me. Why would I work so hard to get somewhere to have to pay because I rose above?

I am unsettled because I just don't know where this will all end up. I can handle change. Especially being an Army Wife. I get change more than I get schedule. I cope. It's my life. But it's scary. Very scary to think I have absolutely no idea what in the world is going to happen to my children, husband and mine's futures. And that bothers me immensely.

My mother has always taught me to fight for what I believe is right. And so this is where my fight will strongly begin. For my children's futures. For my husband's uphill career. For my career should something happen to him.

For our lives.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A new President.

And Chase is not happy at all. Mom, everyone is going to lose their jobs now. My house is sparkling clean because I am unsure how to handle this. I'm still thinking it through. There is not a thing I can do about his becoming president. I voted, I did my part. We shall see how things go in the future with him. I'm putting my thoughts together and will have more tomorrow for everyone.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Will this day end?

No school today. Election Day. And I even sit now and refresh my browser every 5 minutes to keep track. I'm talking to my friend Tonia who is busily doing her daughter's homework..commenting on how blue her state map is looking. It's that time of year when we are looking for that new President. That person who is going to lead us to the new world. This person is going to get us out of the *recession*. This person will fix our health care crisis. This person will either make or break our Soldiers and their families. Either way, this person will lead the country.

But our day started out VERY early. 0630 to be exact. Both boys decided that is what time they were going to get me out of bed. So I did, up and out of bed I went. Showered, straightened up the house, boys dressed and out the door we went to tackle the day. Which started with breakfast at George's. Good, healthy and filling breakfast in us and off we went to conquer the polls. Which I did! I got in there and I voted for McCain/Palin. And I said a little prayer while I cast my ballot. This is the very first time I have ever voted and I feel very proud. Very, Very proud.

That tackled, it was off to *bad mommy class* as my wonderful friend Matt put it. As I cast out the bad people in my life, it makes room for the classier and more positive ones. Thanks Matt for being a great friend and so supportive of this Army Wife. It is very much appreciated. So into class I went, and into daycare right next door for my boys. We all survived the separation and at 12 we headed out the door and off to get the car fixed.

I had received a notice in the mail for an auto recall on some parts for the Avenger. So I get in there to have it fixed and she informs me there are 3 recalls, not just one. It should take about 2 hours Mrs. Kelley. I need to be out of here by 1445. We were out within the hour. Disch Auto in Moosup is very efficient! So out the door we head to our next thing.

We have an hour to kill so we headed over to Michael's Arts and Crafts. Bought a couple of things to scrapbook with. Even got Chase some stuff to scrapbook a page for himself with. He chose a pirate motif so we shall see how it goes. Or if he gets bored with it. I doubt he will. He really thought out the stickers and page he wanted. And then off we went to our last thing for the day..

Chase's counseling appointment. Which went OK. He was a little upset when he left but we handled it together. He is mad at his father for not talking to him. For not being a good dad. Not Jim, the other one. It broke my heart that he is realizing all that is going on around him now. Or maybe he has known for a long time and just recently chosen to let it out. Either way, I will be here to help him through it.

So now I sit in front of the computer, writing my blog and watching the polls change. And change some more, and one more change here and there. And I note how close the numbers are. And I pray that a good person will take over the White House.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Mom..are you voting?

Yes, honey. I registered to vote. Well, that's good Mom, but don't vote for the brown guy.
I was a little caught off guard when my 7 year old said that as I picked him up from school today.

Why? I had to find out the reasoning's behind this commentary. Well Mom, he doesn't put his hand on his heart when it is time to say the Pledge of Allegiance or The Star Spangled Banner plays. So he's not a real American Mom.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I turned away so he wouldn't see them. You see, when we were stationed in Germany whenever the sun rose in the morning they would play Revelry..and when it sunk low in the evening they would play Retreat and To the Colors. And everything outside would stop for that moment as though frozen in time. Cars would pull over and people would get out. Conversations would stop. And we would all face the flag. Children and adults alike would stop everything and admire our Great American Flag. And we would be proud. And salute.

Even in the movies we would all stand and put our hand over our heart in pride to The Star Spangled Banner. When Chase and I came stateside and went to a normal theatre we both felt stupid when we stood right before the movie started. We were so used to paying homage that even now over a year later we still try to stand.

And every morning Chase and I still say The Pledge of Allegiance to our little flag in the house. Because that tradition should never die in a true American.

Now, on another note. Squeaky has gotten over his rashes. Come to find out he had a mild reaction to the flu shot he had received last Monday. I had my Dr take a peek at him while we were getting my flu shot on Saturday. So he has been getting some small dosages of Benadryl to relieve the hives and itchies. And did I mention this boy just loves his bath times? I finally was able to get him to sit on his buttocks in the bath tub. I kid you not, he splashed for 20 minutes straight until the water started to turn cold. And then he was angry as heck because I had to take him out. I put some pictures down below for your entertainment.

Right now it's time to head off to Karate..One more quick note..Karate ended early today because the laundromat 2 doors down caught on fire. All got out OK, and just a few patrons of the laundromat had smoke inhalation issues. Per usual, Chase is absolutely wired now..Ugh.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


We had soooo much fun yesterday! I got the boys dressed up and we headed over to George's for a little dinner. This is a tiny diner where all the waitstaff love to see Chase and Squeaky! We had something to eat, and then off to Grandma's house! Big Trick or Treat gifts there! Chase got Ironman and Squeaky some teething rings...:) Out and around the neighborhood for some trick or treats. And then off to our neighborhood for some more trick or treats. Oh, and then Aunt Heather called..They only had 2 treaters so off we went to Aunties house. Where Chase got more than he needed of candy.

Home to the nice warm house. I can't say anything bad, the weather was a little warm. No wind. No rain. No snow. Just perfect for trick or treaters to enjoy! In went Ironman, and off to sleep went the boys. Nothing like a really good movie to put you to sleep!

Today, I have to head out and get my flu shot. Then sports and off to do some final Christmas shopping stuff while Auntie Heather takes the boys to a Midget game or something. So away I go!