The boxes are ready...

Today I finished Chase's box of goodies to be sent out...I picked up his medication and put it in there. I think I will send it to my Mother's house for safety since my ex is moving. This will be just as many moves as Jim and I have made, and he is not military. Guess he wont be taking us to court anytime soon for instability. Hehehe...I wish he would. So we could get more money out of him...Ok...Evil thoughts there. Pleh, I really could care less how many more times he moves, or what he does. As long as Chase is safe and ok. Because that is the best part of Jason and he is all mine.

I also finished a 3rd box for Jim today as well. I put together one box for our Anniversary. 3 years of marriage and we are still going strong. The only thing that kills us right now is the stupid phone and internet system. Everytime someone gets hurt or something happens they shut down the internet over there and that leaves me sitting here wondering if it is my boys over there? And then when we chat on messenger or email sometimes things get misconstrued...and that starts an arguement we really dont need. Because I absolutely do not want my last thoughts of my husband being an arguement over something really stupid. And lets talk about my phone. Oh Holy Hell...I dropped the stupid thing in the toilet about a month ago and now it cuts in and out...My ringtone I had set for Jim was not loud enough so I was missing his calls. Now I have this absolutely LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS ring that I HEAR A MILE AWAY!!

2 more days and I get to go get my tattoo done...YAY!! That is going to be my Anniversary present...LOL Tomorrow I pay all the bills and put money into savings again. I got a letter in the mail today about the stimulus payment...apparently we are getting 1500 back. That would be really nice. More money into the savings. Also, YAY if bush signs the GI Bill addendum! If he does that, I can use Jims GI Bill and go to a 4 year college! And then it would be Nurse Arica for real. I need to get down to business and get my college done. As soon as Sebastian is old enough to go into daycare I will definately be doing college classes. I need to get this going. I was so close last time and I put it all down the toilet. But my husband is so supportive of my going back to school and if we have the opportunity I will seize it!

But for now I am going to seize the moment of quietness~Going to grab my book, a glass of iced tea and enjoy the back porch!

He Did It!!

Sebastian rolled over today by himself! I was so proud of him. And the look on his face was absolutely priceless. Mom, what just happened there was the look! It was great! Im going to research places I can take the camcorder to so I can have that footage put on DVD. I dont want to lose it because it is all Jim will have aside from memories and cleaning sand out of his teeth for months on end to remember over there.

On a different note, Sebastian and I both saw our first lighting bug last night. It was really interesting. Im from Oregon and we dont have things like that over there. But I will say...at first I thought it was a cat, then I thought a one eyed cat, then I realized it was hovering over the road a little to high *blood pressure rising a little here*, and then I thought...It's a damn UFO...LOL

Then I realized it was a bug, and wow...Sebastian was just glued to it. Humor in its finest moment!!

A day at the boat...

Ok, so I dont like boats. But I spent the day on my in laws boat yesterday. In the ever loving muggy heat. Even with a fan directly on me I was miserable. I hate this weather, and it is worse down by the water. But I will survive. Im going to call Chasers tonight and talk with him for awhile...I miss him really badly! But we just have a few more weeks to go...and then he is home...yay!

So I am really nicely sunburnt today...But the positive side is that I wont have to go tanning for quite awhile. I am getting really very excited to get my tattoo done on the 2nd of July! I have to do a little child care juggling but I think I should be good. Heather said she would keep him for the hour or so that I am getting my tats done...And I promise I will post pictures for everyone to see when I get them done!

On a different note, Jim sent the camcorder home so I could start recording Sebastian and his silly little antics. But he recorded some stuff on it from Iraq so we could see who, what, where and when. It was interesting. If they were not such an unstable country I think it would be an interesting place to visit. But maybe not right now. LOL

I am as well a little frustrated too...Jim tried to call me three times today. The first two times he called I was in the bathroom...and I wont take my phone in there anymore as I swept it off the dryer into the toilet right after I had cleaned it one day. With the way it has been acting lately too, I think I will be getting a new phone soon. The third time he called I didnt even hear the phone ring at all. Grrrr...I was frustrated when I heard my little voice mail notice. I didnt even hear it ring for goodness sake!!!

The boys got a box in the mail yesterday from Barb who is my good friends Sherrie's Mom. Sherrie, Chris and Alison all stayed with us for a little while when they were PCS'ing from Germany. I sure miss her comraderie! Her Mom was nice enough to take time out of her very busy schedule and make both the boys the CUTEST blankets!! The one she made Chase is Orange and Brown...which are his favorite colors...and I absolutely cracked up when Sherrie messaged me that Barb said it reminded her of Charlie Brown. Yes, it does look like his shirt!! But it's very nicely made! Sebastian's Blankie has his colors in it that we have in his nursery right now. But both blankets will be saved for them in thier special memory boxes. For them to pass on to thier children. Because I will force them at 30 to have grandchildren for me...LOL

Ok, time to tend to the awful sunburn!!

Oh...one more small thing...I started reading a new book called "Beautiful Boy". It is in the top sellers category right now. Its' a father writing about his sons struggle through a meth addiction...Im only on the first chapter right now but it is very powerful!!

Energetic!!

YAY! So today I did a 45 minute workout...I upped it from last week by 15 minutes. I hurt like all holy hell afterwards, but noticed I have a lot more energy today than normal. It felt really good!!

I am almost done cleaning the hell out of my house. You dont realize how much extra useless crap you have lying around until you are taking bags out to the dumpster. I was laughing the other day at my friend Jess from the Karate school...she was telling another gal how she does not understand what I could possibly have to clean? She said I could pass a white glove test, and I died of laughter!

Today is my Mother's Birthday!! I picked up a book for her that I think she will appreciate, and I will bring it to her when I fly out there in August to get my oldest son from his fathers' house. I think I may have possibly given her the best gift ever though. Sebastian started to laugh out loud the other day, and I happen to catch him at the right time. So I called my mom and told her I had a present for her. I make a funny noise and Sebastian laughed so loudly my Mom started to laugh! I got tears in my eyes from giggling so hard listening to them both laugh. My next goal is to catch him laughing on my cell phone so if I miss a call from my Husband he can hear him laugh as well.

Ok, off I go. Baby is sleeping and I am resting...I'm going to go watch the rest of Season One of Army Wives! If you have not seen this show...LOL, YOU SO NEED TOO! I was laughing because I have so far pointed out a wife I met in Hohenfels for each of the characters on there!!

Methamphetamine...

For years I have watched my sister suffer from this addiction without really knowing it was an addiction. Nor did I know the impact it has on society today. Call me ignorant, maybe I just chose to not see it around myself. I even know of a time when I sat healthy and very pregnant...about to pee myself laughing with my mother at people who were trying to play speed bingo while tweeking.

I dont know. I would prefer to think I felt it just did not exist. That it was something similar to forgetting to wash your hair in the shower or throw out the grinds from the coffee pot.

But I just finished watching two documentaries I happened to see on the shelf at a local movie place.

One was called "American Meth" which was amazing yet terrifying. To the soothing voice of Val Kilmer I saw images of my favorite city in the world, Portland Oregon. I saw the people sleeping outside the Mission on Burnside. I saw people playing hackey sack in front of my favorite fountain, Salmon Springs on the waterfront. I even teared up when I realized they were talking to Meth addicts right there in Pioneer Square. I went to my first concert there, I remember seeing Brian Setzer Orchestra up close and personal. That is when the tears started to fall. I learned first hand how these people feel. And I realized something about my sister.

The second one I watched was titled "Americas' Most Dangerous Drug". My Father would be proud of me if he knew I was watching a National Geographic Special. And then there it was again. The tears, my favorite city. I was totally caught of guard when an ex-boyfriend of mine I had lost contact with many years ago was featured in this documentary. I had met him thousands of years ago it seems at the Copper Penny. He was clean faced, healthy and handsome as when I had dated him. But the story he told and the pictures they showed surprised me. Never in a million years would I have ever expected to see that happen to him. And I learned more about my sister.

Has this become such an epidemic that documentaries are being made about it? I remember seeing a documentary once on Adolph Hitler...and in that it spoke about how he was the very first documented case of Methamphetamine use. He had Parkinsons, and his personal Dr. made it for him to keep him sharp and alert. And to ward off the tremors that ravished his body. It would explain why he would keep one hand tucked in. So no one else knew his secret.

Our lives are so short and precious as it is, why do we turn to something that will destroy us in the blink of an eye? Do we not see the beauty and purity in the children of this world? Can we not see past our own pain and notice the damage we are causing to those around us?

Is mankind this weak?

Misplaced words....

So I got the call today and I really thought I would be much more excited than I am. My ex spouse called to find out how to handle our son having a temper tantrum? Two things occured to myself...1) Why is he having a tantrum, 2) Is he ok?

At first thought, I was unhappy because it was over a simple thing like Bug Juice. It's a Kool Aid in a strange little container that is passed off as bug liquids. He asked me if I allowed him to drink it. I stated only on special occasions like friends over or we go to the drive in. I also stated that most of the time his drink of choice is simply Sprite Zero. Well I dont let him have soda because of the sugar and caffiene. *smile, nod my head and dont bite*

Sprite Zero has no caffiene or sugar in it, I said calmly.

Well, does he throw tantrums like this for you? Nope. Last time he did this was about 3 years ago when I picked him up from a visit with you. And he was overtired and overstimulated then. Has he had any down time today? I dont know, he has been with my sister and her kids. Well, in my book that would be a no.

I truly thought I would be more excited about getting this call. About knowing my son was unhappy there. Or maybe about knowing that he is going to treat his father differently than he does myself. That he will misbehave so his father will understand what I go through. That it is not all fun and games as he thinks. He is under the impression that it is a breeze to raise an ADHD child. He is so wrong.

Again, I am not complaining. I Love my boys with all my heart. But sometimes I just need a break. Even if it is just for a half hour so I can go tanning. I just need the quiet time for Mommy. And the sad part is that I always feel guilty after taking the time for myself.

Such is life I guess.

So much happens...

When you blink.

Charity, my beautiful friend inside and out, graduated with her RN degree. She was pinned. And her life moves on. I am so very proud of her, and now I await her moment to shine when she gets married and I can applaud her as well.

Sean and Stefanie got married today. They met on a website called plentyoffish.com and at first I was unsure. Sean has this sense of humor you either enjoy or dont. But Stef truly compliments him. They were meant to be together, and now they are. And I couldnt be there.

Misti and Chris's son Indy was in the newspaper a bit ago. I wish I could have seen it, but I couldnt find the article anywhere. Im pouting now. Her oldest boy Dakota posted pictures in front of my old high school, SAHS. And I almost cried. He is now moving into being a sophmore. Wow, does time fly.

Out of the loop?

Today and yesterday were very strange to me. I dont know why, but I felt just really out of sync with the world. My friends online even seemed to notice I was a little off. And that is really bad when that can be noticed over a computer. Maybe I am coming down with a cold? I am not sure. I just know I feel weird.

I have some friends that are going through difficult times with thier spouses/significant others. It hurts me to see them in pain. I hope they know I am not trying to avoid them. I dont mind sharing advice with them if they ask, but how do you know when to say when? I definately do not want to add to thier pain anymore than necessary. I have never been one to step back and say...Oh well! I stand by my friends and try to help as much as possible. And then I find myself in strange and painful situations where they say..."well you said..." Somehow I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be all right.

My 3 year wedding anniversary is next month and Im just falling apart inside. We were lucky in the factor that we were able to spend our first anniversary together. YAY!! Chase and I flew into Germany on our 1 year anniversary to be exact. It was really nice to be with him on that special day. So this year I get to send him a box of goodies for our anniversary and hope he enjoys it. I will be here at home with our son. I may take Sebastian and go out to a nice dinner somewhere. Not sure yet.

I seem to be hermitting a little. I have taken Sebastian and I out a few times here and there but always try to be careful with the hot weather. We did take a day trip to Providence and explored the city a little. Beautiful city, nice weather as well. Im hoping to make it to Salem, Mass so I can check out the sights of the Witch Trials. We will see. Also saving for my Mom and I's little road trip...YAY!!!

Polygamists?

I find this whole culture very interesting. My poor husband can barely handle myself...could you imagine the poor man trying to handle two or three more of me? Yikes...And what do the kids call each other? Brother from another Mother really goes into play here..LOL

Im trying to fix the Washer...There is a leak somewhere on the hose I think. I will figure it out, I am a smart girl. I finally went tanning today and my sister in law watched Sebastian for me while I was gone. He had a huge air bubble so he fussed the entire time I was gone. I felt soooo bad for her! I got home and he calmed down...bounced him for a few minutes and WOW...It sounded like a full grown man belching. He's a very calm baby unless there is something really wrong. Either he needs fed, changed, or there is a belch lurking in that little body.

I also finished everything up for my tattoo! So I will be posting pictures soon enough on that! Im so excited I cant even begin to tell you all! Had to get a new tongue ring today as well. The one I had was too long and rubbed the inside of my mouth raw. It sucked, not to mention it hurt.

Ok, I must scoot..Im really tired tonight as I was up last night with nightmares all night.

Lightning freaks me out...

And Im here alone with the baby. So it's not like I can really be strong for Chase and act like Im not scared. This sucks. But on the bright side I did get to talk to him just a little bit ago. He is doing a summer program through the Boys and Girls club there in Oregon. Sad when the B&G club is cheaper than child care expenses? Not that the ex in laws charged a whole lot for child care, but my ex figured out Chase would have a lot more fun with a bunch of other kids that sitting in his mothers office while they all worked. I cant believe that woman actually has an office for Tupperware. She can barely afford her own rent let alone an office.

Sebastian is really getting big now. I am seeing him improving on things like reaching for stuff. He actually reached out today and touched my face. Ok, not really touched but more so clobbered...but he did it. I also talked to Jim on the phone a little today. And online when I was able too. I have taken to the habit of napping in the afternoon with Sebastian. Not a good trait to get into but for some reason I have been very tired lately. Pushing myself a lot lately I guess.

For now though I am going to close. I am heading into the other room to find a newspaper and kill this stupid fly that keeps buzz bombing me.

I am making it...

Ive been keeping myself hella busy the last few days doing a type of Spring Cleaning. Would it be summer cleaning right now? I dunno. I have learned that if you keep the clutter down the house is so much easier to clean. And I do tend to be a clean freak.

Yes, I am posting this at 0536 in the morning. Sebastian woke up starving so I am thinking I need to up his intake to rice cereal with his formula. Maybe a little in each bottle? Maybe just a small bowl each day. I will say this is the first time in a long time he has not just gone back to sleep when I put the binky in his mouth. So a little disturbance is ok with me.

It is Fathers Day today so I wont call Chase. I dont want to interuppt his day that I am sure my ex has all planned out. I was nice enough to put a card in Chase's stuff for him to get today. How thoughtful of me. *gag*

So today I will toodle over and drop off a gift card and Father's Day card for my Father In Law. And then I will come home and probably just relax and enjoy the quiet. Right now Im going to log onto AKO and see if my hubby is there. Oh, and prolly post comments on all the Fathers' pages on my MySpace...:)

Chuss!

Survival...

I managed to survive my first 24 hours without my baby...just 8 weeks and 6 days to go. Let the countdown begin.

Testing 1,2,3?

Tomorrow I take my oldest son to the airport to meet my ex husband. He is going to fly with him back to Oregon for his 8 week visit. Yes, 8 weeks. It's a very long time but I have no choice in the matter until my ex messes up or Chase decides he does not want to go.

We have been trying our hardest to spend as much time together as possible. Its' been tough knowing he will be leaving. My tears have already started to fall but I do thing like wash the dishes or take a shower so he doesnt see my pain.

That little boy saved my life and I love him so much. It is killing me that I am going to be so far away from him for so long. So if I dont write for a few days just know I will be ok, I have to adjust.

For my Fellow Army Wives.

For the beautiful women I know as "The Silent Ranks". Each of you has opened your hearts and homes to myself on one occasion or another and I just want each of you to know just how very special you all are.

Sherrie, Babsi, Jess, Hannah, Megan, Sara Jean, Jamie, Chantelle, Ashley, Teresa, Jessica, Sophia, Tonia, Kassie, Robyn, Steffy, Jaime, Brandi, Tracy, Sarah, Jennifer, Maria, Tonya, Stephanie and Lydia.

Each of you have a very special and unique quality that you carry within. And each day it shines out into the world. Some people notice it, some do not. Your children and families watch you everyday as you step out your door and conquer unimaginable odds that would make most men not even want to get out of bed.

But you do it. Because each of you chose to marry a man who has another love in thier life. The Army. And because of your choice you have seen good and bad. You have dealt with life altering changes. You have stepped up to the plate and yelled at life to pitch you just one more ball. You spend your days busier than ever to forget the pain of not having your loved one with you most of the time.

You keep yourself busy to the point of exhaustion so that when you finally make it to bed you fall asleep immediately. Instead of sitting up and worrying about where your husband is. Or what he is doing. Is he safe? Will the Chaplain knock on my door next?

I sit here with tears in my eyes thinking of each of you. Moments we shared. Friendships we built. Friendships that were tested but somehow over time have rebuilt themselves. And I know two things for certain.

Two things that will always stand the test of time.

1. My Love for each of you will keep us bonded through thick and thin.

2. Through hell and high water I will do whatever I can for each of you when you need me.

Some of you know this already. Jess, Sherrie, Babsi, Tonia, Tonya and Kassie. We hold each other in our hearts because that is our strength to move forward. Each of you holds a light within that makes my day so much better and my nights so much easier.

The women who do join and stick with the "Silent Ranks"holds one special and unique quality that I admire in each of you.

Strength.

I Love You all.

LOL...Mom...The baby stinks!!

Hehehe...my oldest just informed me of this! The last few days have gone by in a breeze...Chase did something absolutely wonderful for Jim but I cant post it here right now because we are mailing it to him tomorrow.

He did his first sleepover last night at the DMAA. I was impressed. I figured I would get a call at about midnight or so, but I never did. My baby is growing up. That makes me sad. But on the flip side, my youngest baby will be right behind him. I managed to get out last night and have some Mommy Adult time. It was great! Thanks to Jessie for managing to keep up with me! I Love you girl!! I think honestly she was having a great time laughing at the "white Carlos Mencia with boobs" as she called me! Then she really died of laughter when some stranger found out my husband was serving in Iraq and decided to debate with me.

I have learned that you A) Never debate with drunk people, and B) Lord, NEVER debate with drunk people. You could be pure as snow correct and they will not have it! I had to finally say Thanks, but I gotta go when he said...Well...We are in Iraq for the Oil!! Yeah, thats when the comment came outta my mouth...You know you were much cuter when your mouth was shut! I think Jessie peed herself. The bouncer that was standing with us just laughed and told the guy he was entirely on his own there...:)

Ok, I have more to write but will do it tomorrow. Right now I need to change baby because he really does stink...LOL

It's almost time...

Well, my ex spouse let me know today he bought tickets for pick up Chase. Now, I was moaning and griping about how much I spent on tickets yesterday. I feel much better today. I bought mine almost 2 months in advance and they are spread out over 10 days. A round trip for myself and Sebastian riding on my lap. A one way for Chase to bring him home with me. My ex informed me he is flying in on the 12th. Due to arrive at 1030 am and then they turn around and fly out at 1330 that same day. A round trip for himself and a one way ticket for Chase. How much did he spend? $900.00 total. I laughed so hard I turned red. And this is why...He has known when Chase was going to be out of school since last October. And he waited until 8 days before Chase is supposed to leave to buy tickets. DUH!! Maybe next time if I am lucky he wont even show up. Wouldnt that be a small blessing?

Today, did all the grocery and stock up shopping. Got that all out of the way so after Chase leaves I dont have to worry about any of that at all. I will just have to get school clothes for next year and maybe supplies if they are needed. Im realizing how quiet my house is going to be as well. Chase told me today...It wont be quiet Mom, you will have Sebastian making noise. Yes, I will enjoy just the sounds of a baby for a little while. But then after about 2 weeks I will start climbing the walls wanting my overly active 7 year old back also!!

Ok, for now Im going to head upstairs and take a long bath. Im really tired today.

Our wonderful Day...

Boy, am I tired and sore today! We went to the zoo, Roger Williams in Providence to be exact. It was a beautiful drive, nice and sunny..but maybe a little too sunny for me. The left arm hung out in the sun all the way there, and all the way back. So now I am nice and tan on my left side, and about two shades lighter on the right. Yeah, Im going to look good in the tanning bed with sunblock on my left shoulder...Hehehe

The zoo was beautiful though. I went as an extra set of eyes as they wouldnt allow me to have my own group because I had Sebastian with me. But I plopped my littlest man into his stroller and away we went. He was good to go as long as he was fed and changed. Here is it 830 pm and they are both out like little lights! We went in and saw butterflies. Do you know how long it has been since I have seen a butterfly? Seriously! And the species they had in there were amazing! I will add some pictures to this blog in the next few days. We even got a laugh at the fact that all the little girls in Chase's class just couldnt keep away from Sebastian. Savannah's mom and I laughed and said he was a *chick magnet*.

Of course on the way there and on the way back I managed to get lost. But it was ok because I arrived at the zoo at the same time the kids did, and I managed to get back to Danielson in time to stop and make my appointment for my tattoo, *1 July and I will post pictures for those who stop and read this* mailed off two boxes to my loving husband, a gift for my best friend Sean who is getting married on 22 June. Im sad I wont be able to be there, but we just spent 700.00 on a RT ticket for myself and a one way ticket for Chase to come back to CT. Yeah, and that is for early August. Almost 2 full months early and thats how much it costs. I almost cried. I wonder if I can get that as a tax write off? Probably not.

Ok, so at this time I need to scoot because there are some dishes to be done. There is a hot bath to be taken and a nice bed to be crawled into.

Lazy Sundays...

YAY for lazy Sundays. Today was warmer than I would have liked it, but it was a day for just my boys and I. I could have been better if my soldier had been home. But he's not so we just move on. Did all my house chores, got all the laundry done which is amazing in itself. Thought I should take the boys out for a walk but after a long workout with the Wii fit I was simply too sore to do so. Even Chase seemed more mellow than usual. He played some games on the computer and then we all cuddled on the couch. And then his antsiness kicked in so I put him to work...LOL

We decided next Saturday his friend Devin will spend the night here as a going away thing for him. 8 weeks seems so long. Im going to miss his terribly, and I know he will miss his little brother something awful as well. He confided in me today he is mad he has to go because he is going to miss another testing for his Karate. Mom, I dont want to be a blue belt forever...I know honey, but until your old enough to make your own choices I have to make you go. And that breaks my heart. But I am working on plans now to take the boys to San Francisco...Im not sure who is more excited...Mom or I? We will find out and I will have lots of pictures to share with you all...:)