An Award?

Yes, an award. That would be what Chase brought home today. He recently did a Yankee Candle fundraiser and for only have 9 days to do it, the child raised $530.00. I was very proud of his effort and it felt really good to see how happy he was today when I picked him up. He said in a pretty loud voice..*I got an award today Mom*. I asked him what for, and he said..*selling candles*. He was so calm, but you could see the excitement in his eyes.

What was his award for? He was the second highest seller in the second grade section of the fundraiser. Apparently he missed first highest by $10.00. But he did a great job and I am very, very proud of him.

Next bit of good news is that his teacher is noticing a positive difference in him in the mornings. So this means to me that the medication is starting to work. And I am so far, knock on wood, not seeing any negative side effects. This is good. Very good.

I haven't..

Been writing for awhile because I have been going through a flurry of emotions lately. Everything from depression to excitement. Aunt Flow is partially to blame, but most of it is just from seeing all that is happening around me.

I worry about my friends. I worry about my husband. I worry about my children. I worry about my family. I worry in general. And there is nothing I can do about it.

So sometimes I just sit back and I watch as live unravels over there, and a nice tight knit is made on the other side. I have watched a friend of ours go through an awful divorce only to turn around within the same week and marry someone else.

I am watching another friend go through the throes of dating, when she really just does not want to be. I see another friend who wants to be dating, married, having children..but her walls are too high for even Superman to get over. And then there is the other person who is pregnant with some man's child and thinks that my ex is going to step up and be a father to this baby. He has a child he is not even a father to unless it is convenient. Why in goodness graciousness would she even seriously think he is going to accept a child that is not his and take care of it? There was a reason why he got fixed in the first place. He did not want any other children.

And then there are the emotions of loneliness. I miss my husband. I miss having people over to my house all the time. I miss making the pots of ribs for my husbands friends on Friday nights. I miss having him stare at me in his sleep. I miss nudging him because he is snoring. And while I work my tail off to keep busy knowing it will make the day go by faster, it is just not the same.

I also wonder how I become the bad guy in situations. There is a man in my life that I dated over 15 years ago. We have managed to be friends since then. Our relationship was more than rocky, and we had large spaces here and there where we did not talk. Not long ago, he did a drunk dial and we had a really good talk. A really really good talk. And I thought we got some stuff seriously ironed out. But now he won't talk to me anymore about anything. And I sit and wonder what I did wrong? What did I do wrong? And my epiphany..It was not me. He is dealing with something that he is not strong enough to handle. So I can either sit and wait until we are old and he talks to me again, or I can walk away with my sanity in tact.

And I seem to be doing a lot of walking away. Which is strange because I have always been the strong one. The fighter. The go the distance girl. But now, I am too tired to stand and tackle the issues at hand. Not all of them, just the meaningless ones. The stupid tasks. Like, why is he not talking to me tasks? Why do I care about the drama tasks? Why are you bludgeoning me with stupidity tasks.

So I will slowly be walking away. And if I don't want to deal with it, I will tell them. And they will get mad. And then not talk to me. And then I will worry. Because that is who I am.

Ugh..Not again..

I started a positive parenting class yesterday. Hence why I did not write. Because I am still sorting things outs. You see, according to them I am doing everything wrong. And even so, there are women in there who are attending for the third time. I would like to think I am a better parent than this, but I'm feeling very lost and saddened right now. This week my homework is to ignore misbehavior's, not make negative comments or yell at him, and to ONLY make comments on the good stuff he does. I am sucking at this really badly right now. I would love to make comments on the good stuff, but right now the only things he is doing is negative. And if he is doing positive, it is when I'm not seeing it.

He did lose his second tooth on the top last night as well. I am hoping this is the last one for awhile because the tooth fairy is starting to go broke. And I am learning it is very difficult to sneak into a child's room when everything in this stupid house creaks.

When I went to pick Chase up yesterday from school I learned of a code system they have in place. While I was in the office talking to Mr. Rioux they had to call a *soft yellow*. I finished up my business and then headed outside with the rest of the parents. On the way out, I asked a teacher what exactly a soft yellow was. She said that they had to call an ambulance for a student and it was an indication to the teachers things would be running behind for departure from the school. I also noticed teachers closing the blinds to the windows facing the front of the school where the ambulance would arrive. They announced bus departures through the back side of the school as well.

When the ambulance arrived, there were no lights and sirens. It was a very quiet arrival, load up of the child and departure. It was calm. Most of the children who arrived for parent pick up did not even know what had happened until the parents told them. Chase is, of course, oblivious. He tends to worry too much about people.

I started him on his new medicine today. There was no effect taken as it was a really tiny dosage. In a few days I will up the dosage as his Dr. has requested. I'll keep you all posted on this one.

Dialation!

Yes, Chase did not like that at all! I picked him up early from school and took him to get his eyes checked. I have seen him cover the one eye every now and then when he was reading so I thought it might serve him well to get them checked. And we get one free eye exam a year. So I said, what the heck!

Oh, I so fibbed yesterday when I said that Squeaky had one tooth coming in. There are two of them there! And he is chewing on everything he can! Mom, if you read this...would you do me a favor and go to 7-11 to buy me about $3.00 worth of those jerky disc circles? I used those to teeth Chase and I desperately need them now!

I finally got a call back from Dr. Herklotz tonight. We are going to try Chase on a new medication tomorrow, so let's all pray that it works!

I'm tired, and I will keep you all updated.

What's that?

Today the boys and I went to Lauren's house for a birthday/Halloween party for her two oldest children. She has a beautiful house on 8 acres with some woods around it. Spaced off the road a good distance and really nice. I liked it a lot and would love something like that..but over in Washington State. *lol*

Chase had a lot of fun as there were a ton of children his age at this party. I got out of the house and mingled with a lot of adults. Squeaky just got loved all to death by all the women there! It was a nice time. I even met my neighbor from a few houses up the block because I offered to bring his stepdaughter back home when we left. The kids were a lot of fun, and they learned very fast not to mouth off to adults when I am in the same room. They learned that I am a very calm, quiet person but that my voice can be louder than anyone else's in the area. Yes, I even had their parent's amazed that they shut up.

But the best part of the night came when I was bathing Squeaky. I put my finger in his mouth to clean his gums off, and guess what I found? A little tooth starting to poke through. I was so excited I called Chase and showed him. He got really excited and told me it was going to be cool that Squeaky will get his tooth when Chase looses his! I had to laugh. OK..Off I go to straighten up my house. We have an eye appointment for Chase tomorrow. And I'm heading off to the ADHD Dr to get some answers.

The sleepover..

Went fantastic! Chase, Jonah and Devin all had a great time at the DMAA sleepover last night! I thought I would get a phone call about 10ish, but nothing came so I just got some much needed sleep.

I rented The Happening, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and the new Indiana Jones movie. I can firmly say I will be buying The Happening and the new Indy movie. Both I thought were fantastic! M. Night Shymalian is an interesting writer and I really wonder what it would be like to grow up in his house. *lol* Of course, I wondered the same thing about Stephen King as well for a long time.

Both Jonah and Chase were tired today so this afternoon we all *Squeaky included* got a 2 hour nap in before Jenna got there to pick up Jonah. Chase and Jonah make quite a comedy team indeed. I get a laugh out of them..:)

OK, I'm going to head back into the other room and torture the boys for awhile. Night!

No rest for the Wicked..

Today was SO busy! I got up on time even though I didn't want too. Squeaky was up at 0200 wide awake. So I gave him a bottle, and he was asleep again by 0300. I tried something a little different tonight..I fed him food and cereal at about 1830 to hopefully make him full enough to sleep throughout the night. We shall report back tomorrow on how that went.

I finished Chase's costume today. I learned a few valuable lessons in the process. 1) You can not do anything with raffia *straw* when there is a cat in the house. The will inevitably get it drug through your entire house before you know it. 2) Raffia does not suck up into a vacuum so you have to pick up EVERY piece by hand. 3) Cats and hot glue guns are bad combinations. But I will post pictures of the boys in their costumes for everyone to see tomorrow, I promise.

Everything is done and organized with Chase's fundraiser. Checks are all written, cash is on the way to my bank. It is now all nicely packed up in Chase's backpack and it occurred to myself today that I will have to carry all this stuff out to my car. Eek. That's a lot of freaking candle stuff.

Chasers gutted his pumpkin today and will be carving it tomorrow to take to the sleepover for judging. The best pumpkin will get a small prize. I don't expect him to win anything, but I will definitely be proud of him for at least entering. And as big as the pumpkins are, those damn things are thick skinned literally. Hardly anything on the inside..but easily about an inch and a half thick. Yuckers. I'm going to mess with the hollowed out one and Sebastian tomorrow..I hope it works!

And last but not least I picked up a walker for Squeaky today. Got it home, put together and set him in it. And realized I had it set way too high for him. His feet were dangling in the air about 4 inches above the ground. Now, for future reference..make sure the baby is NOT in the walker when you go to adjust the height. Because I can firmly tell you their legs will get squished and they WILL look at you like your retarded for adjusting it with them in it. I know. I did it. Squeaky was not happy and to make matters worse..Chase and I were laughing so hard at the look I got from him that I couldn't even adjust it upwards. Yeah..He was not happy.

One more small side note. Chase learned tonight that you NEVER take a diaper off a baby until seconds before you put them in the bath. That would be because I made him pick up the rabbit turds that Squeaky made on the floor when I stepped out of the room to tuck Chasers in. Yes, he will never touch that diaper again.

One more day closer..

To my husband getting home. Which is good because I am ready to get out of here. I'm just uncomfortable here and feel unsafe without my husband. I miss the north west really badly right now. Mostly my family, but I'll be OK once I get busy again tomorrow.

Small update on the fundraiser. Our final total is $537.00. Chase has worked really hard, so today while he was at school I went and found some really cute Thank You notes. I made a list of all the people who bought candles so each night until they come in he is going to write out one Thank You note to each of those people for helping him raise money for the school. I am very proud of him. He did a great job with this.

Speaking of Chase as well, the Tooth Fairy will be visiting tonight also. That stupid wonky tooth has finally met its match. It took a little Orajel, but it came out tonight. What was really interesting is that the skin underneath was almost completely healed already. It was hanging in there literally by a piece of skin. But it's out. Thank Goodness!

Tomorrow we are going to work on his pumpkin and I'm going to finish the last of his costume stuff. Gotta plug in the hot glue gun and get that puppy done!

OK, time for the Tooth Fairy to sneak upstairs...:)

What in the world?

Wow..two days passed lickety split! I sure hope the Alexanders are having a great time on their trip to Florida! I know the boys and I could use a small vacation ourselves!

Chase has had a cough that is finally starting to subside. He woke up a couple of times on Friday night and scared the hell outta me. But he's better and getting his energy back. And did I mention that stupid tooth still has not come out? It's turning all grey and icky..Yet it is still there. Great Grammy came over yesterday with her dog Fritz..*or is it Fred?*..while Chase was playing with him, he thumped Chase in the mouth and man! That tooth really started to bleed. I am just fearful that it is going to get infected or something. If it's not out in the next few days..I'm calling in the Guards!!

I finished my first Volume of *The ex's communication logs*. Those black and white mead composition books, yes, one of them is completely full of logged entries between him and I. Every text message, every phone conversation, every email. It is pathetically sad I have to do this, but I am forever doing my best to CMA. And I will continue to do so until Chase is old enough to see and understand what is happening. Did I mention he still has not called Chase back after promising he would? Yes, Chase made sure Great Grammy knew that.

Speaking of broken promises..My favorite movie from my child hood has graced my DVD player once again. Amidst all the Pirates, Fantastic 4's, and Harry Potter's..I have found Goonies once again. Chase loves the heck out of that movie and we have watched it 3 times in the last two days. Absolutely NO complaints from me at all!

We also noted that there is an elf or something in the house that has an affinity for left shoes. I cleaned up my closet the other day and organized the shoes only to find two right shoes..A thorough search of the house and basement has not turned them up. Chase hates this haunted house even more now.

But this is how life goes. You make things work, and you buy new shoes. *lol*

Hubby bought the boys Christmas toys so they are being shipped to us soon. I'll be wrapping them and hiding them down in the basement because Chase won't go down there.

Right now, I have a well deserved night of sleep ahead of me.

Happy Birthday Jim!

Today is my husband's 37Th birthday. I am planning to make a cake for him but the boys and I will eat it. And next year, when he is home with us I will cook him his favorite dinner, and we will all have cake together.

Chase didn't make the cut this time for testing at the Karate school. He was really mad and I explained that no one was to blame but himself. He chose not to pay attention and he chose to screw around in class. He now knows that he messed up, and no one else. So maybe he will pay better attention in class.

I will give him some credit that he has been working hard at selling the Yankee Candles for his fundraiser at school. So far he has made a little over $300 and some change. And he has not even been to visit with the family as of yet. We will be heading to Great Grammy's house tomorrow to see her and Aunt Jeanne. Hopefully they will but a bunch of candle's too. We will see.

Chase does not want to go to Karate today so we are going to finish some stuff around the house. I hung up the new thermal curtains today. We shall see how well those work. But little guy is fussing now so I am going to scoot.

Is it over yet?

Wow, so this week has flown by pretty fast. I woke up this morning and realized it is Thursday already. Where did it go? I don't know, but I'm glad it's almost over.

It's been one meeting after another lately. Tuesday I was at the school doing a 504 meeting. Apparently I am going to have to push for it to happen. This meeting will help Chase with his schooling because of not being on medication. The school psychologist is saying he thinks Chase has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but when we went to the counselor on Wednesday she completely disagreed. So last night I spoke with the DCF caseworker and she told me to keep pushing it. Because unfortunately the school system here will try not to put a child on a 504 due to the cost per child. Which is sad to hear, especially coming from a caseworker. Really sad.

And what is even more sad is that I told her I disliked this school district. And she agreed as well. We went to United Services to meet with Judy. She was a very comfortable lady to be around. I most liked the fact that she took her shoes off and made us feel very welcome to be in her office. Chase seemed to like her, and wouldn't you know! He was very polite and cleaned up behind himself while he was there. It was rather humorous when she said..I'm a new person so he is trying to impress me. Why yes, yes he is! But when we left there I felt relaxed about Chase seeing her. So off we will go next week so Chase can do a 1 on 1 session with her.

Now, CSD. CSD, DCF..all the same people but with thier heads up thier butts. At least the greater majority of them. I spoke to the gal investigating my case yesterday and she is going to work on a letter of unsubstantiation. I believe that is how it is spelled. She assured me yesterday that she sees absolutely nothing wrong with my home, my parenting and our life that renders her the need to open a case. Which made me feel good. So I shall frame that letter as soon as it comes in the mail. *kidding* She did praise me for moving as soon as she spoke though. I got Chase into counseling, I am taking a positive parenting class and I still strive to make myself a better parent. Now if I could only figure out what is going on with Chase and why he is having these behaviors, that would be great. But we will figure it out soon enough.

Ok, I need to get the big boy off to school and the midget and I need to get the Fundraiser stuff squared away.

Tired enough to tapout...

Today started out with a bang! Squeaky was up at 0500...ready for the day..I managed to get him to take a bottle and he went back to sleep until 0700. YAY! I got that extra 40 minutes of sleep and was even more tired when I got up. Ugh.

Took Chase to school, came home and did chores. And decided to get everything I needed squared away for Chase's classroom goody bags. I'm doing this for his classes Halloween party. I thought it might help out a little bit. Relieve some pressure off Mrs. McCollum.

So as I was heading off to do that, I decided to go Route 12 to Putnam. I'm cruising along at the speed limit and I look in my side mirror only to notice I can't see the front end of the car behind me. That would be because she is hugging the ass end of the new car. So what do I do? Brake Check. I tapped on the brakes enough I saw her car come to a screeching halt! But the good news is that she backed off..WAY off. Right about Attawaugun they had some construction going on. Now in CT they have State Troopers that sit at both ends of the construction zones. So I stop with this Trooper about 8 feet or so in front of my car. When this moron behind me pulls into a yard next to me, gets out of her car and proceeds to flip me off. Off she goes into the house.

So of course the Trooper sees this and motions me to roll down my window. I do just that and he asks..What exactly was that about? So I explain how she was following me so close I brake checked her. He says..You know that's kind of stupid, right? I was like, yeah..I know. So he asks..Do you want me to talk to her? I said Hell Yeah! Tell her next time she is going to be that far up some one's ass, she needs to make sure their pants are pulled down so she can sniff crack. He laughed, thank goodness.

As I drove away I realized what I had said to a State Trooper and just smacked myself in the forehead. Well, I get that done and head off to pick up Chasers from school. Get him, get home, get homework done and step out onto the back porch for some fresh air. And as I do this, I look down next to the dumpster and see a futon. No way, really? Is it seriously one of the black metal futons? So I walk down and check it out. It is. And it still has a price tag on it. No way. So I do some further inspection and decide I'm going to take it upstairs. So I get Chase and somehow the two of us get it up the stairs and into my house. Now there in lies the problem. It is now sitting wedged in my hallway right now. Because we got it halfway there and can't get it the rest of the way. So a friend of mine is going to help me dismantle it so I can get it up the stairs and into the babies room.

Then off to Karate we go where they have a special surprise. Two Master's from Poland are there to share and assist in the teaching. It was a lot of fun and everyone had a good time.

So now we are home, and getting ready for bed. Because I am really tired tonight.

Off to the ER we go...

So Friday Squeaky and I spent the day at the ER. When he got up that morning he sounded awful! So I dropped Chase off at school, and called his pediatrician's office. They wouldn't see him, they just sent us straight to the ER. I sure hope the insurance covers all this. Long story short, he had 3 Albuterol inhaler treatments and one syringe of Prednisone. Yes, it was a long day but we managed to get home in time to fill his prescriptions for Albuterol and Prednisone then pick up big brother from school.

He slept better last night, only woke up twice. And today he has had a few wheezes here and there..but nothing the Albuterol could not handle. I had Jonah for the day while Jenna was working. That kid is SO cute but such a spaz. *lol* I had to take Squeaky to a Dr appointment check up this morning at 0830, and had to take Chase and Jonah with me. They had me laughing on the way there. I think they stressed out the Dr because he separated them while I was trying to talk to him. It was pretty funny indeed. The Dr increased Squeaky's Prednisone and off we went. We then stopped by McDonalds and got the boys both Fruit and Yogurt Parfaits and my much needed coffee. Then off to CVS to drop off the prescription. Headed to pick up the mail, went to the Farmer's Market where Jonah killed a pumpkin. Back to CVS to pick up the prescription and then to our house where they readied themselves for Karate. Dropped them off and ran really fast to pick up the boys name signs I had made in San Francisco and back to Karate. Where I patiently held my bladder until it was time to go home.

Back to the house where I got the boy settled in and they played until Jenna picked them up.

Right now though I am going to make a pitcher of Iced Tea and some flavored water for the boys..and then settle in for a movie night with Chase.

Poor little Wheezy thing...

Chase and I are over our colds. I still have a little cough, but everything else is gone. This afternoon while I was playing with Sebastian..I noted a little wheeze. But by the time Karate was over, it was a big wheeze. So we picked up some vicks liquid menthol and broke out the vaporizer. Nice warm bath, some good lotion with a great little body rub and he was out like a light. With that vaporizer going he seems to be breathing really well. But we shall see what happens.

Today is my ex spouse's birthday. Now mind you, last year he complained because I didn't have Chase call him. How is this for complete irony. I make sure Chase gets home from Karate, gets through the shower really fast, gets ready for bed..and then have him call his father. Who tells him he can't talk because he is at the bar with his friends playing darts. I just can't win for losing, can I? Seriously. That sucked, and it hurt Chase's feelings. So next year, we will let him call. And then when he complains we will remind him of the year that we did call and he was too busy at the bar to talk to him.

Ok, it is Grey's Anatomy and ER night so off I go. Gotta check on midget as well. Night!

Squeaky's eyes..

Are just fine. Whatever it was that Dr. Terry and I saw when he was just 2 months old has corrected itself. So he is doing very well in that department. And Dr. Waldren was impressed with his peripheral vision as well.

Chase's class is working on a Dear Soldier project right now. They are writing letters to Jim's soldier's and asking them all kinds of questions. It's cute to see how they are writing the letters.

As for myself, I have had a very long day of driving. We went to Glastonbury for the eye appointment. And that is about an hour drive each way. Oh..but today it was about 2 hours because there was construction all over the place.

But my house is clean, my children are bathed and asleep, and my chores are done for the night. So I think I will join them.