What did you say?!!?

So this little blog is just going to be a blowing off steam type of blog. Earlier today I was talking with someone I consider my best friend. I love her to death but she really just throws me for loops to the point I just want to lash out at her. So this will be my way of lashing out and getting it all off my chest.

Now first I must say I am not perfect. Not in a million years would I ever say that I am. But for all my imperfections I learned to be stronger, more open minded to the world and to never let fear stop me from moving forward. My imperfections have helped me travel across the US and even into different countries. I have loved, I have lost. I have hurt, I have healed. I have hurt others, and swallowed my pride years later to apologize. I have taught myself to never hold back, and to be expressive of everything. And to be honest first and foremost. Even if I know it will hurt someone, I speak my mind.

Now having said that, I have been sparing this person the reality she chooses not to see. Or if she does see it, ignorance is bliss. She is a big girl but she is attractive. She is naive. She has a tough time with social situations. One night we can go out and she is a blast, and poof..that very next night she *pouts* (for lack of better words) to the point that everyone around her is uncomfortable and has no fun. She is judgemental of people but gets upset when someone groups her in just as she does others.

She is everything she complains about in other people, yet she gets offended if it is pointed out. Wake up call sunshine! There is a reason you have been single now for over 8 years *to my knowledge*! You want this huge level of perfection in a man that you can not even obtain in yourself. And I love you, but come on! You have had your walls up so high for so long that it is easier for you to hide behind them than to climb them yourself. And I can tell you right now that if you expect a man to climb those walls, you better either build a stair case or start showing them that you are worth the exercise! Men want to climb Mount Everest because of the excitement and the never knowing of what is behind the next rock. They would rather do that than cross the desert on foot and get bit by scorpions.

And again, don't tell men you are one type of person when you really are not. Because if they stick around through the mood swings, the lack of time in your schedule and the constant phone calls and texts you will eventually have to open up and show your true colors.

Men want strong women, not insecurity. And you can not offer them love if you do not love yourself. And that I can say after 15 years of friendship. Learn to love yourself and be real to you before you try to be someone else. Because loving yourself, not being afraid to venture out into the world and standing strong with who you are is what turns men on.

So eventually you will read this, and you will be pissed off. And that is fine with me. But open your eyes sunshine and learn from my mistakes. You have seen me make so many of them, and maybe that is why you are so closed off? But you have seen me fall to the ground in misery and yet I always pick myself back up and move forward. And always for the better. Now it is your turn to get going in your life because honestly..You are not getting any younger at all.

So remember the the words to the Nickelback song we listened to on our drive and live from them. Start to live for you..

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day’s a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life

What’s worth the prize is always worth the fight

Every second counts ’cause there’s no second try

So live like you’ll never live it twice

Don’t take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce of memories

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day

If today was your last day

Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?

You know it’s never too late to shoot for the stars

Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes

‘Cause you can’t rewind a moment in this life

Let nothin’ stand in your way

Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past

Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?

Reminisce of memories

Would you forgive your enemies?

Would you find that one you’re dreamin’ of?

Swear up and down to God above

That you finally fall in love

If today was your last day

For the love of..

Pete. I have had no urge at all to write lately. I have lots to say..but just no time to say it. Chase had his last day of Karate on Thursday. It was wonderful because Master Laperle got him a going away cake. And then on Friday they had the Hawaiian themed sleepover hence the above picture. What can I say honestly? My son is a ladies man! I just hope I instill a strong sense of respect for women into him unlike his father. So far he still thinks girls are icky..so maybe I'm doing something right?

Sebastian is off and running finally. Yes. There is no slow walking. The kid just up and took off at full pace. It's crazy to see him going. I had to actually get a spare baby gate to block off the stairs because he loves going up them. Fast I might add. Heck, he tackled the stairs before he even tried to take steps.

And as for myself, I just feel weirdly empty right now. I can't explain why I feel this way. I'm not lonely by a long shot. I have lots of friends that I text with and email, even talk to on MySpace and Facebook. But for some reason I'm just lost right now. I can't seem to get my things done that I do on a daily basis. Is this my pre-Chase leaving funk maybe? Or is it a quiet fear of moving to a new area again? Maybe it's my going to college jitters? I'm not sure, I'm just lost and spaced out right now.

So please don't anyone think it is them directly. It's just honestly me right now. Also, today I noticed that one of my fillings has fallen out. Now normally I would be a mess trying to get in and get it filled. But this tooth is one that will be coming out when I start getting my bridges put in. Years ago I had a car accident and in the process clamped my mouth shut. When I did this the impact was enough to crack several of my teeth. So off to the dentist I went to have them all filled and fixed. Now the irony is that this filling represented the last of the Mohegans in my mouth. All the other teeth that had been fixed have since been pulled hence the gaps in my mouth. But we will start fixing them now that our bills are paid off. I could honestly do without them but frankly I am tired of people seeing my adult acne and missing teeth. And guess what they are thinking? Can we say *crackhead*? Which I am far from.

I need to get cracking on our Oregon trip pictures. There are some great pictures in the bunch. So I will try and get that all settled in soon. For now I am going to do the dishes and head to bed.

One seriously pooped baby right there. Or he has a drinking problem..I'm not sure which one..

We are home, I'm doing the whole catch up thing. And going through pictures. And being a Mom. Geesh. I'm busy as all get out. It took us forever to get home Tuesday night though. Delta cancelled all their flights out so there were tons of unhappy people. Including myself and the boys. We flew in at 2 pm and did not leave until 6 pm. Thank goodness I had Matt who knows all the transit systems in that area. He got us to New Haven where he picked us up and took us to the car in Hartford. THANK YOU MATT for rescuing the boys and I. We owe you dinner seriously!!!

I'll write more on this escapade later and how I busted Delta's balls.

Oregon here we are!!

So we made it to Oregon and things are going well. The flight was a little rough because Squeaky really didn't want to go to sleep. So he fought it and fought it! But he did finally succumb to the sleep bug. Right now I'm packing things and getting ready to head out to Waldport. Lots of pictures to come soon for that. It's gorgeous there!

Last minute packing...

Oh man. 3 days have passed like a blur. Thanks to Matt for helping me take Chasers to his father at the airport. It was fun watching the ex spouse squirm like he did. I really can't wait to see how he handles Jim being home. He can't even look Jim straight in the eyes.

So off we went on Friday, the boys and I over to CoCo Keys Water Resort in Waterbury CT. It was a blast as you can see from the pictures. From the time we got there at 11:00 am until we left about 3:00 PM that baby was on the go. There was no napping time included. He just did not know what exactly to do with this huge bathtub we were in!

It really was a lot of fun with the exception of one thing that was very unexpected. The picture below shows a huge bucket. Now that bucket fills up with water and every 10 minutes it dumps. No one told us that. So here I am innocently taking pictures of Squeaky playing in the water when *GUSH*!! I felt like a wet rat, and my camera got wet. And then it dawned on me..Squeaky was down below me..So I open my eyes to see him surfing the HUGE waves from the water. Squealing! He loved it! In fact, we stood under that water about 4 more times after that and he loved it even more each time. We would go to the other side of the play area and he would crawl his little diapered butt over to the drowning side. Chase hated it. So off Chase went to the really tall water slide that was there. In fact, I think I saw Chase about 6 times total. He was all over the place and would come by long enough to check in and let me know he was OK. But he had a blast and both the boys slept all the way home.

After we left, I took a small 10 minute detour and went through Southington, CT. We drove by so I could get a picture of the original house that *A Haunting in Connecticut* was based on. It is weird seeing this house and thinking that it used to actually be a mortuary back in the day. It's just this nice, clean, femininely decorated house now.

I'm leaving today to head to Oregon. I'm hoping to pick Chase up early but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Jamie and I rented a cabin while we are out there in Waldport. It's going to be nice to camp. And I know the baby will love all the fresh air. Oregon is so beautiful but we wont' live there again unless Jim gets a job.

On a different positive note. We found a house that we both approve of and Jim is talking to the Realtors now about it. So we shall see what will happen with that. Right now I'm going to head off here so I can get things squared away for our last minute things.

Silence and the economy...

I have had a small moment of reflection and my blog has shown it. The last few days have blurred in and out. I have been busier than ever with making things shake and move.

Some small news..I had my final weigh in last Saturday. Out of 122 people I placed 9Th with a total weight loss of 18.6 lbs. I am only 6.4 lbs from my goal. And then I will set a new goal after that. My ultimate move will be when I am down to 155. That will be what I weighed before I got pregnant with Chase. And after that point I have discussed plastic surgery with my husband. Because that will be a lot of lose skin. And once I hit that goal weight, I plan to stay there.

This economy is really affecting a lot of people. But oddly, we are on the bottom of the ladder and it's not touching us. Several people ask how they are to survive this. It's simple. Tighten your belts and start living by a budget. Jim and I have been doing this for years now. And we have been in trouble here and there, but nothing we couldn't get out of within a few weeks or so. I see too many people jumping into houses without doing the research. I see people paying for storage on boats that don't even run. Hell, some of them don't even float. But it's worth keeping because you have always wanted a boat. Oh, and lets not get started on how bad some one's credit is yet they think that having their sister sign to get a brand new car for them is a great idea. No, save your money..rebuild you own credit and buy your own damn car. Stupid people. If you can't pay cash for it right now, good lord, don't buy it. THAT is why people get into trouble with their finances. Because we have become a *gotta have it now* society.

Anyhow, I am heading to bed as the baby is finally letting me sleep at night.