Busy is as busy does...

Ok, so I completely survived the first week of school and all went well. I'm taking 12 credits this term which equals out to 4 classes. And it does not seem like much, but the homework is the part that keeps me the busiest. Last night I was sitting up doing my Accounting homework, but it was not that bad. I also took my first test in Psychology and missed one out of 10. I figure that 90 percent is a good start, right? Today we took a quiz in Accounting..so lets see where that one goes?

Sebastian scared the heck out of me the other day..He went out the front door without my knowing it. I had the Leavenworth Police knocking on my door asking if this was my child. And normally, it wouldn't be my child. But this time, it was. And how did I feel about this? Terrified! ANGRY! Upset..Depressed. It was my son, and I failed to keep an eye on him. What was I doing? Starting dinner, getting Chase to do his homework, switching laundry..Everything but what I should have been doing. How will I tend to this?

Opening my eyes, making things more open to my awareness. But I will figure it out. Just as I know I always do.

Fun in my life...

Recently Jim shared some astounding news that really caught me off guard. He stated very clearly that I have lost my way, and who I am. That with all the deployments and living apart due to the Army, I misplaced my fun side that takes are of me. I knew it had happened, but hearing it hurt worse than my own acknowledgement of the situation.

So what have I done to take steps? I hate feeling forced to go out..but Jim gets along with a couple of the other guys in his unit, and I had met one of the gals previously. So he set it up with the the other hubbies and we had a night out. I also acquainted recently with a young man name Matt who joined the girls as well. What a combination last night at Applebee's!! And top it all off with a great waiter, good alcohol and laughs galore!!

So after having a night out, hubby woke me up this morning because he had to work from 9 to 12 today. Apparently there is something paperworkish that is a pain in everyone's asses. So I have had my coffee, chatted a little with a new friend online, and am going to tackle my Chapter 1 in both Psychology and Accounting. Man, Accounting is going to be a pain in my ass people! That entire 5 inch this book is COMPLETELY in black and white! Not a single bit of color once you pass the book cover. Seriously. So I will get those done this weekend.

I also need to head to Kansas City to pick up a couple of wreaths. I have a few friends that are pregnant, so I am going to make 2 diaper wreaths to mail out on Monday for them. I love doing that, but honestly I should start selling them instead. Maybe I don't sell them because I would lose my enjoyment of making them? I don't know. I just know I have made a lot of beautiful crafty wreaths! I think I should google and see where the local Michaels is...Yay!!

Ok, I'm going to get off here and get things motivated! And thank you for all the love and support from everyone over time. You all mean something special to myself!

I'm back again...

After a long absence, I have decided to start writing again. Sam is no longer with us, as he intentionally started a fire at our house. Why? Because he did not want to be there, and he knows how to manipulate situations to his advantage. Am I upset? Yes. I feel like I completely failed him and myself. Did I? No. I did not. I have come to the thoughts that Sam has failed himself. We brought him into our home, supplied him with an excellent school system, family love and support and everything that he needed including therapy. But there was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for what he gave back.

Assualtive behavior, manipulation and lies. Completely and constantly. And we are not even talking about little while lies! We are talking about EVERYTHING. Did you flush the toilet? Yes, but Chase didn't. Ok...well...who was the last person in the bathroom. Chase was. Well..that would be fantastic IF CHASE WAS NOT STILL IN BED! Seriously!! It's sad to be honest. But as Jim said, Sam will be alone and flipping burgers for the rest of his life at the rate he is going.

Did he pay us back? Yes, and then he turned us into SSI and claimed we took all of his money in return. So we had to pay back the $600.00 to SSI and he is now saying that he won't be paying us what he owes. What is going to happen in return? He is now listed as a potential Arson risk on some program through the Fire Department. Kind of like how they keep track of criminals. Now, the situation at hand is this: Sam has started fires before..Which would have been nice to know BEFORE we took him in. What we have done by putting him on this registry is that if he does start another fire, he will be arrested this time.

How are Chase and Sebastian doing? Fantastic to be honest. They seemt o be thriving with the low amount of stress that is encompassing our home now. Jim and I are fighting less as well. It is very nice indeed! Last term, despite the issues at hand with Sam I was able to pull a 3.40 GPA. Proud is a good word to explain how I felt.

But for now, my computer class is almost over so I should log off of here.

Surviving my first term...

Well, here we are with less than three weeks until school is out. Am I stressed? ABSOLUTELY! Why? Because I have so much to do, and am running out of time to finish my projects and classwork. It is really not as bad as I make it out to be: however, I am doing my best. Jim is away at BCNOC (hope I spelled that one correctly) so he is not able to assist myself with the boys. So I find myself up until late at night studying after the boys are in bed. My grades are fine, but it is my dedication to continue with being a strong student that matters the most. I am the example for my children. If I do not do well in school, why should they? Class is out now, so I am going to head and pick up the baby. And then off to the house so he can nap and I can do homework.

Patriotism

Every night as the sun sets, there are soldiers who sit in foreign countries protecting our futures by risking their own lives’. From those selfless acts comes one simple word that puts a sense of pride into one’s heart, which would be patriotism. Patriotism is defined in the dictionary as a devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty. The straightforward act of patriotism can be seen wherever one may turn, but can also be felt inside when faced with the many trials and tribulations of life.

Patriotism is the pride of a soldier who walks with his head up and shoulders straight while he or she is in uniform. For many soldiers, patriotism is a sense of honor, integrity and respect to know that they are strong enough to leave their loved ones behind to go to war and defend our great nation. For others it is a sense of loyalty, duty and selfless pride that leads them within their patriotism. Upon hearing the word patriotism, SSG Veny Castillo sees in his mind, “The American flag over a dark ocean of stars in the sky, and fire on the water.”

Patriotism can be the many American flags that are displayed in the neighborhood windows to show support for our troops. It can be the way people tear up when they hear Lee Greenwood singing “Proud to be an American”. It can be the seventy year old veteran hoisting the American flag every morning and lowering it at dusk on the flag pole they erected in their own front yard. It can be the family who sits at a restaurant and secretly pays for the meal of a Vietnam veteran in the next booth to silently say “thank you” for all they had sacrificed when they went to war for our freedoms and liberty. It can be just a simple hand shake, or the words “thank you for your service” when a soldier in uniform is seen in public.

Patriotism is the sound of a bugle playing “Reveille” as the sun rises and “Retreat” as dusk encompasses us. It is the standing out of respect with hand on heart as children say “The Pledge of Allegiance.” It is an entire nation that weeps at tragedy when a soldier returns home one last time in a flag draped wooden casket. It is the deafening applause from on-lookers as a group of dirty, tired soldiers deplane upon return from fighting in a foreign country.

Patriotism is the sound of cheers as crowds all over the United States celebrate the 4th of July with fireworks booming overhead. It is the way complete strangers band together and support each other when traumatic events occur and thousands of people die for no reason. It can be the way a community comes together to support a young widow and her children when an officer and chaplain appear at the door bearing the news that her soldier has died. It can be a simple touch on the hand from one military spouse to another that silently states, “You are not alone even though your soldier is gone.”

Patriotism can wear many hats, and is never the same from one event to the next. People are taught from birth to support their great country and the many people around themselves. Some choose to do so from their front porches. Others choose to join the military and serve overseas or in various war zones. Many wear their patriotism in the way they walk with pride because they are American. Others show it by the ways they volunteer their time and energy to various charities that support soldiers and their families. But no matter what is said, felt, heard, or seen; patriotism will live in our hearts until it beats no more.

Wedding Ring

For millions of years, people showed their devotion for one another with a variety of trinkets. Rough, twisted reeds braided into bands for the fingers and wrists. Strong, colorfully stained papyrus bent into multiple circles and strung together to make chains for the neck and ankles . Only one style of trinket has stood the test of time to show eternal devotion between a man and a woman. With the belief that the vein in the left hand ring finger travels directly to the heart, a simple gold band with a few sparkly diamonds holds eternity in one circular motion.

Everyday the right hand awakes early and travels across a warm expanse to seek out the small round piece of metal that encompasses the tanned left ring finger. Should one remove this simple piece of gold, one would find an empty, white indention within the skin that screams to have its ring put back into place. The simple gold sliver is not very big size-wise, only a sever; however, it is thick in width. There are two simple gold bands connected together, each with special meaning. There is no smell to this ring. There is no taste to it either. And the only sound it will make is, if dropped, a small tinkle sound.

The first little sphere is simply just that, a sphere. Gifted upon the heart finger on July 22, 2005, the little sphere has only departed its roost once. That simple little band will always be the closest to the heart until death do we part. The second small band, which is connected, carries the half carat diamond that quite often captures the eyes of onlookers. With brilliance, the cut of this little heart conquers every ounce of light and sparkles with zest until the darkness engulfs the world nightly. Five little points of gold hold it in place, but do not detract from its beauty in any way. Carefully place on each side, the brilliance is enhanced by four little diamond baguettes that glitter as much as the heart shimmers.

This little gold band encircles not only the finger, but reminds the heart of a special day filled with love and warmth. It is a symbol of dedication between a man and a woman which will last until the final breath of either is drawn. Through all good things, and even the bad that has been handed to this couple within life, this simple little band will direct them down the path towards the right direction.

There are millions of rings that symbolize love to many couples and relationships. Some women have diamonds so large that one can only wonder how these women still walk upright. Others have no diamonds at all, only the simple golden band encircling their finger. And despite these choices, the one that encircles the heart finger connected to this heart will withstand all the trials of time. And someday, this little gold band will be passed on to someone else who will cherish its meaning and dedications until death do they part as well.

So much...

To do, yet I am unsure where exactly to start? I feel as though I am slacking with my family duties. I feel as though I am slacking with my friends. I also feel as though my relationship with my husband is falling through the cracks. And yet I pursue my potential degree. My house is cluttered. My children are fed, clothed and happy...but how much do they miss of thier mother since she is so busy doing school work all the time? Is my sacrifice beneficial to my children now?