A Father is what?

Today was just another day in my life. Got up, got Chase fed, did two loads of laundry before 9 am, took stuff to be consigned, fed Sebastian and played with him, had coffee, read my paper, did research for schooling, got groceries, checked the mail and all done by 10 am. I know it seems as though I do nothing, but my day really gets busy when Chase gets home. There's homework, chores, sports and playtime. In my downtime today I was reading someone's blog and realized something. You never do let go of the person you had a child with. The love for him is not there at all and he will never have the opportunity to be with me again. He screwed that up many years ago. But everytime I steel myself and decide I want nothing to do with him I soften. Last night was my final straw completely. I dont care who's father, brother, friend or anything he is.

You see, he goes for weeks at a time and no contact. Then out of the blue he will message me..not to talk to his son, but to whine about his life. Where he has no responsibilities other than himself and his little intoxicated pieces of ass. Because that is the only way he can have a woman. By letting them think he is the coolest thing on earth and when the newness wears off he jilts them. Which is fine and dandy, with the exception he allows our son to get attached to each of them. And who gets to clean up that mess? Yours Truly. But not anymore. I will continue to write everything that happens between him and I down, keep track of the messages and phone calls. And when the time comes, our son will know who really tried and who didnt.

Please dont think in anyway I am whining about the fact that I took on the responsibility of raising our son. Because I am not. I love Chase with all my heart and will say right now that he is a better person because I am the primary parent. Jim is a fantastic father but because of his career choice can not be there as much as he wants to be..But that is ok because even though he is in Iraq right now he calls and speaks with Chase 2 or 3 times a week. Chase's father spoke to him almost 3 weeks ago on the phone. And I have it all written down. Because being a father means talking to your son 5 minutes on the phone every 2 or 3 weeks. Oh wait, he is a father because he pays his child support according to him.

But we shall see. Because the day will come where Chase says, Dad...your a piece of work, I want to stay with Mom.

And I will cry tears of joy.