Monday, May 12, 2008

My First so please be gentle...

This will be the first of many blogs I am hoping to write. To maybe chronicle my life for people I care (or even dont care) about. A little about myself...Im 35, still dye my grey hairs even though I have earned each one of them. I have two wonderful boys...both by different fathers. Yes, I am one of those mothers. I became one of the women I used to laugh at so I keep my comments to myself now. I was married to my oldest sons father for awhile, well...one year to be exact and it had its ups and downs. I will definately write more on that later. When my anger erupts and I really have no where else to go I will write it here. Because I plan to never tell him about this blog.

I am married now to my second childs father. A wonderful man I met on Eharmony of all places. He is in the Army, active duty and may I say he is a fantastic catch. He has his things that he does..that annoys the crap out of me, but everyone does that. Everyone has thier little quirks that we just learn to live with. I can handle him leaving his clothes laying around because that means he is home. Did I mention as I write this he is finishing up his day in Iraq? He has been there since October of 2008 and wont be back with us until about March of 2009. I miss him terribly, but I am also just as damn proud to be his wife. Because he is doing what he loves, which is supporting his country.

My boys are wonderful. As I write this one is 7 and I just dropped him off at school. I hope he has a great day as he has some problems we are trying to iron out right now. He has severe ADHD and we are working out some quirks with his medication right now. But oh that child has a personality. He went last night with my Mother In Law to the Circus, and was so excited when he got him that he just kept talking and talking about all the cool things he saw and did as well. Apparently he was the first one to be picked out of the crowd to be part of one of the juggling acts. This little boy has changed my life and my world as I saw it. Things were so dark and desolate for myself, and all I did was drink and pass out. When I found out I was pregnant with him at 27, my whole world changed. And for the better. I went through DT's (Detox), got the alcohol out of my system and even quit smoking for him. He made me a better woman.

My youngest is 2 months old right now. Sometimes I look at him and wonder if he is really my child. He is so small and precious, yet other days he seems so big and grown up. His cries make my world seem so small, and yet I know outside my door is a place I worry about sending them too. I had him at 35, and decided that such perfection needed not be duplicated. So the tubal ligation was put into effect. Not to mention I am a good mom but I know when to say when. After all that my oldest childs father has put me through, I am more than comfortable with two sons. And no, I did not want to sit back and try for a little girl. One of me on this planet is plenty. Ask anyone you know. They will verify it.

So each night I will sit and try to write a little. To share my innermost feelings, to vent, to cry, to let people know how I truly feel. Most of my life I have been completely closed off to the world, and I am going to do my best to try and turn that around.

To those fortunate enough to know about this blog, I Love You enough to let you into my world. But what you read here is not for discussion, it is not to hurt people, it is not to rub in anyone's faces. It is to help you understand what I am going through and my emotions involved. Please know that you can talk to me at anytime about anything you read here, but dont use my ramblings as a weapon.

I Love You all.

Arica

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love you Arica. Thank you for loving me enough to let me read about your life. Your are an amazing person.