Triggers.

Today was not my best day at all.

It started with an argument on the computer with my husband leading into the oldest kicking a pillow that hit the youngest in the face. Now the pillow is not what hurt him, it was his hitting the floor face first that did it. And of course, he won't have any problems cutting the top teeth in. No major swelling and the crying went away with some Orajel. But he did chew pretty funny for a little while.

Then, I started cleaning the house which is my usual Sunday ritual. Did not matter. I swear Chasers followed me around and made messes all the way behind me. I gave up. I actually gave up on cleaning my house. I am going to end up getting a carpet cleaner before this stupid deployment is over.

Hubby called me a little later in the day and we had a good talk. Ended the conversation well, only to check my email and be barraged with questions about who is who on my page? I added a few new people onto MySpace, he has added a ton of them for his gaming..Who is he to question my choices? I think it is pretty even right now. We shall see how this pans out.

Get that dealt with and made it through the day. Got the boys both fed, bathed and into bed fairly well. Worked a little on some cleaning and said forget it. So here I am sitting in front of the computer.

Now, I recently reconnected with a friend from my middle school years. He has turned into a wonderful father, is now divorced and has made something serious of a future for himself. We were never very close in school, mostly acquaintances. But we always managed to keep a friendship over the years.

I am thrilled to be talking to him again and can see we have both grown over the years. But as with the time that has passed, we really know nothing about each other's past 15 or so years. So how can he know if he said something that triggered my anger response?

How can he possibly know of the years of therapy I have sought out to deal with my ex spouse's idiocy? How can he know that younger, more attractive women are a trigger of anger because of all the hateful things that my ex has said? He can't know. Unless I explain it to him. And the comment he made was I'm positive a joke, but for whatever reason I took it the wrong way.

And as hard as I try to make sure my ex spouse does not affect my life as he used to, sometimes I guess he is just sneakier than I honestly thought.

I'm sorry.