Relationships.

This whole vacation has been an eye opener to myself. I am unsure whether it is good or bad, but it is a reality slap.

I will start with the obvious. We all know that I have dealt with crap and drama for years thanks to my ex. For the longest time I held back everything and kept it inside because I really thought it was me. I thought the problems were because of me. I thought all the issues were my fault. My insecurity. But this trip was a shocker to the highest level when I sat with my two best friends in a bar at a table full of people who had zero idea who I was and someone mentioned his name. Now these people were ones he sees on a regular basis. Pool and darts. Some softball partners. Some just leach off his bar tabs. But they all see him pretty much every other day in the least. And not a single one of them likes him. Most of them despise him. The rest of them can't stand him. He's a liar. He's a user. He enjoys treating women like royalty and then dropping them like hot potatoes. He has stolen girlfriends from several people. At the time I write this blog I have mentally taken note that he is sleeping with a woman who has 3 children *that he stole from someone he claims is his best friend*, he is texting and still sleeping with the psychotic one who has a child but seems to spend her greater time drunk at the bar, is texting with a woman who has a beautiful son *that I had the pleasure to meet and I PRAY she avoids him like the plague after all we talked about* about how he misses her and wants to date her again, oh, and then there is the 22 year old pregnant girl that has a key to his new house and he attends all of her prenatal appointments with. Now that would easily be 4, but I know this man and I know there are more he hasn't spoken about.

What I ultimately wish for with this man is that SOMEONE give him a HUGE hickey on his neck. For all to see. So he would get busted. But then I stop and think nah, because what it all boils down to is this: He is his own insecurity. He is his own drama. He is EXACTLY what he dumps these women for. So the best just cause is watching him go down in flames on his own precursors. Because it will happen, and the only people who will coddle him are the three psychotic, useless sisters who have kissed his ass all these years anyway. That is why he is not a man.

And then there is my lifelong friend. I love her, but she is dooming her marriage in all proportions. I have noticed with the several visits over the years that she is more interested in all the other men around her than the one stable man who is there for her through thick and thin. Her husband. He does everything for her. She is a stay at home mom who is attending college online. I have seen so much that I just want to scream at her! But I can't, so I sit and write silently with hopes she will see this and try to correct her ways. They are buying a house, have an adorable little son and he does everything he can for her. But she has not figured out how to be a wife yet. And I'm here if she needs the help, but she needs to make the change.
Get rid of all the ex boyfriends that you talk to daily. It hurts his feelings. And honestly, in the last few years I have never seen you be affectionate at all towards him. Hold his hand. Kiss him. Get a babysitter and have date night. Because you may not notice it, but you are going to have your solid rock pulled out from under you.

Instead of that night of reading a book, cuddle up with him and watch a movie. Kick all those extra people out of your house. They just mess up the place. Buckle down and work hard to clean the house. Teach baby to clean up behind himself. He is old enough to know how by now. You stay at home, just like I do. Make it work for you. Cut some ties that are holding you back. And you know exactly what I mean. Get some counseling. I've been there. I almost lost Jim because I was doing exactly what you are.

People ask me how I manage my marriage from so far apart. Honestly, I can't answer that in a direct manner. But what I can say is this: my marriage works because I am able to *date* my husband each time he comes home. We can start fresh and learn each other all over again. We will have to work even harder this time because the space has been so long between us. But we will work on things together. We will have a family vacation finally. We will make our marriage work because the one thing we have the most of is each other.

Those are just a few of the relationships I see around myself that I wonder about. But all I can do is comment in my blog, get it out. And hope that my friends will work on their marriages/relationships. Because what is missing these days with relationships/marriages is conviction. Dedication. Honesty. Reality.

Find those and move forward with the one you love.